This week’s episode jumps right back in where we left off last week — the women are confronting Nick about Corrine straddling him in the bouncy house. Aaaaand Nick continues to not really get it (as perpetuated in his own recap blog).
It had seemed that Vanessa, who went on the Zero-Go one on one date, gave me the most hope for getting through to Nick. If anything, he seems to care more that he has disappointed Vanessa, than genuinely see that by continuing to enable Corrine, he has done something wrong. He somewhat apologizes, but asks Vanessa to “be a little more patient about Corinne.” This could be because the producers are whispering in Nick’s ear, begging him to keep Corrine on the show for another few weeks to keep the ratings up.
It’s true: Corrine is deliciously evil, but I’m starting to gag on her absurdity.
Of course, they found a way to get more drama in before the rose ceremony. Taylor, the mental health counselor, and some other girls wake Corrine up — because she had gone to sleep again after succeeding in her bouncy house scheme — and confront her with the truth. They tell her she needs to “pull it together” (because it’s embarassing and she’s a mess) and that she is “entitled.” Her response: “I am in no way privileged.” But girl….you’re 24 and you have a nanny?!
The producers are clearly relishing every moment they can get of Corrinne. At the rose ceremony, they zoom in on her itching the inner corner of her eye (which, as any of us who have worn eye makeup know, is a very difficult and embarassing manuever) and keep the focus on her for a good thirty seconds. Danielle M. has finally returned, and she gets a rose, but there is no explanation for her odd disappearance in the last episode (shoutout to bad editing). Unfortunately, Corrinne does get a rose, and she declares: “I can’t wait to make out with Nick for another week!” She gives an awkward, super fake toast to everyone afterwards, being sure to mention that she is so “privileged” to be there.
At least she knows how to get a dig in.
Aaaaand the top 15 women are off to Milwaukee! Apparently, they were supposed to travel to an island in South Carolina, but there was a Category Five hurricane. Production threw together a last-minute trip to Nick’s hometown. Many fans mused that this was also an effort to make Nick, a previous “villian” on “The Bachelorette,” seem more relatable.
In Milwaukee, Danielle L. and Raven get the two one-on-ones. Danielle L. and Nick go to a bakery where they eat cookies decorated like Nick’s face and then conveniently run into Nick’s ex. How small are we supposed to believe Milwaukee is?? Nick insists that he’s a “city boy,” after all. If that wasn’t bad enough, the three of them sit down and talk for a bit. This is followed by Nick bringing Danielle to the public park where he lost his virginity. Yeah, you read that right.
The end of the date makes up for his lackluster beginning. After giving Danielle the rose, they crash a Chris Lane show and dance on stage. My friend Sydney, who I watch every episode of “The Bachelor” with, commented: “The good thing about this is you can tell he has rhythm, and that’s a necessary quality in a husband.” Agreed.
Raven’s one-on-one is much cuter and romantic. While Danielle L. gets decorating cookies, Raven crashes Nick’s sister’s soccer game, meets his family, then goes roller skating with them. Um, a date has never been this simple on “The Bachelor,” but it’s also never looked so cute. Maybe it really is the simple things in life?
Nick appears to not only be a good dancer, but an excellent roller skater. Later, for dinner, they get a solo table in the Milwaukee Museum of Art. Now, that is more like “The Bachelor.”
Raven uses this opportunity to share the long, in-depth story of how she caught her last boyfriend cheating. It’s a harrowing tale with many twists and turns, and it ends with Raven kicking down the door to walk in on her boyfriend having sex with another woman. “I know what her vagina looks like,” says Raven, before relaying how she took the woman’s stiletto and beat her boyfriend in the head with it. Nick remarks that he’s a little scared and a little turned on.
I’ve seen some people online insist that Raven shouldn’t have talked about this on a first date, but to be fair, Nick was the one who brought it up and asked her to elaborate. Personally, I thought this story made Raven look like a bad-ass and someone not to be messed with. Nick seemed equally impressed and gave her the rose, probably thinking that he doesn’t ever want to let Raven get too mad about the Corinne situation.
Speaking of Corinne….we have the group date. Everyone else, besides Danielle L. and Raven, goes to a dairy farm, where they get to milk cows, feed the animals, and shovel manure. Nick wants the women to get out of their comfort zones, but Corinne comments that “it takes a lot of courage and a really blind sense of smell to shovel the poopy.” Clearly, she had neither of these because she leaves, sitting outside on some hay and pouting.
There was a lot of poop.
She insists that even Raquel wouldn’t do these farm chores and cries that she wants some sushi. I’m not sure how the two are related, but we must remember that this is Corinne’s world.
During the cocktail party, the women confront Corinne about not participating in the date and for sleeping through the rose ceremony. She insists that she had a “hand situation,” and when pushed to elaborate, she explained that she was losing blood circulation in her hands and almost had to go to the hospital. She also claims that she had a panic attack before the rose ceremony and that’s why she couldn’t attend.
Real talk for a moment. Maybe Corinne has a legitimate anxiety problem and couldn’t handle Nick not staying with her longer to lick whipped cream off her boobs, so she had an actual panic attack. Why not explain that to Nick and the producers? She could’ve earned sympathy. And if she almost had to go to the hospital on the group date….wouldn’t we have seen that? Corrinne in an ambulance would have made for quality reality TV and crazy suspensful promo shots.
The reason we didn’t hear about any of this before is that Corinne is just making this shit up on the spot. None of it seems to check out, and none of the women believe her. Corrine offers up a “sry not sry” apology, and then, for some reason, says: “Michael Jordan took naps. Abraham Lincoln took naps. And I’m in trouble for napping?”
I don’t know why she was inspired to compare herself to Michael Jordan or Abraham Lincoln, what the two have in common, or what makes them the best propoganda for nap-taking, but this certainly made me pause the TV and rewind.
Taylor, the mental health counselor, is on the confrontational prowl again. We may have ourselves a new anti-hero. She campaigns against Danielle L., who requested to speak to Nick first at the cocktail party, even though she already had a rose. This is a “Bachelor” no-no, but doesn’t match up to any of Corinne’s offenses. Taylor decides to go interrupt NIck and Danielle L., and later, she takes the iniative to have a sit-down with Corinne. She goes into counselor mode, telling Corinne that she doesn’t have the “emotional intelligence” to get engaged to Nick. There’s a lot of “don’t tell me I’m stupid” and “I don’t think I’m better than you.”
The episode ends with Josephine actually agreeing with Corinne, but still encouraging her to chew her food before speaking (not a good look, Corinne). Corinne’s last words are a declaration to “literally” go punch Taylor, to which my friend Sydney responded: “Rather than figuratively punch her in the face, I’m going to literally punch her.”
Also, Alexis (Shark girl!!!) reveals her worst fear is the actor, Nicolas Cage (understandably so), and that if any of the women were aliens, it would be Raven.
Next week, Taylor and Corinne go on a two-on-one. Will both of them come home, or will Nick finally send Corinne packing? What if Corinne convinces Nick that Taylor is a manipulative bully? Will we continue to see more of Christina, the Russian woman with an intriguing past? Will we get more classic, hometown, Milwaukee-style dates? Will Raquel make a cameo? And will Danielle L. teach us how to get our boobs to look like that???
Until next time!