The idea and awareness of “social battery” have been something that I have been thinking about a lot lately. I remember when I first moved to college, my social battery and its shortness was something that stressed me out as I knew I would need to put myself out there and socialize to make friends and make Vanderbilt my home. Yet, when I arrived at college and began my new life, I was shocked that my social battery was not as short as it had been during high school.
At first, my suddenly longer social battery was surprising to me. I have always valued my alone time and self-identified as an introvert due to having a shorter battery at home. Now, after reflecting on my emotional state at the start of college I understand why this was the case. At the beginning of freshman year, I made it a point of mine not to just socialize with anyone out of fear of being alone. I selected my friends wisely and made sure to not turn a blind eye to potential toxicity. This resulted in me surrounding myself with people that I felt good about being around, people that I didn’t have to put on an act for, and people with whom genuine friendship was present.
Don’t get me wrong, there were moments where the fear of being alone in this new environment was daunting and terrifying, and in the name of “putting myself out there” I sometimes put myself in situations and surrounded myself with people that were not healthy- but those instances make up the minority of my social interactions. Now, as I am almost 75% done with my freshmen year, I find myself having very few close friends. I believe that this is because I have become self-aware of what I want and need in the people around me and because I have become very selective in who I spend my time with. I am aware of which personalities I thrive around, and the ones that I do not. This awareness and unwillingness to sacrifice my peace to gain a “friend” is what I believe has led to what many would describe as loneliness.
At times it is lonely when my four core friends are all busy and I don’t have anyone who I can immediately turn to or confide in, but I do not think that my lack of a large social circle makes me an all-around lonely person. Instead, I see this as a symbol of my growth and as a sign of me growing to know my worth. My younger self did not necessarily have a short social battery, I was just surrounding myself with people who drained my battery quickly. Growth in self-awareness is like many other things; it has pros and cons. The further I get in learning who I am and being comfortable with that person, the more people I have discovered that I am incompatible with (platonically and romantically) leading to some loneliness, but overall, much more enriching relationships.