There are three things in life that you can control: what you think, what you do or don’t do, and how you choose to process your emotions. Understanding that everything else is out of your control is a crucial aspect of making it through life’s journey.
I used to struggle deeply with letting people show me their true colors. I frequently tried to fix people and always felt the need to call them out for their actions, even when it became fruitless and they never changed. This was until I listened to a 46-minute podcast by Mel Robbins called “The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About.” In this podcast, entrepreneur and New York Times best-selling author Mel Robbins explains how to use the “Let Them Theory” to navigate life.
Change your mindset!
When you feel like you’re trying to change people or get frustrated with them, back off. For example, if someone doesn’t invite you to something again and again, LET THEM! If a friend of yours is constantly late, LET THEM. Other people’s actions are out of your control and it’s liberating when you finally let go of controlling tendencies. Doctor Amy Johnson says whenever you go into control mode, imagine you’re in a tiny boat paddling against a current. This is what it might feel like to control someone else. When you catch yourself doing this, let go and visualize your hands off the oars, watch the boat turn around and flow downstream. The current in this scenario can be compared to the paths of life. When you’re fighting against a current, you’re going against the path of life and trying to control things without letting them be. The “let-them” theory is a lever you can pull to float with the current. Redirecting this energy will allow you to put it into something else that you can get much more out of!
“Let them and then let me”
Mel stresses that the “let-them” theory is not about letting people do whatever they please and moving on, but rather letting people show you their true colors. This will allow you to make room for other great opportunities or people that can be in your life. If a friend is leaving you out, LET THEM and then let yourself use that room in your life to find others who won’t disrespect you.
But why are humans so controlling?
Your controlling tendencies may stem from the way you’re used to things being. Being uncomfortable with uncertainty is normal, but the “Let Them” theory will help you get comfortable with things not going your way. When you find yourself judging or questioning, understand that there are many things that you don’t know about certain situations. The reason why we engage in this behavior is that it’s easier to focus on controlling other people than controlling ourselves, and it distracts us from what we don’t want to deal with. However, what we don’t realize is that being obsessively controlling is a form of anxiety.
While using this theory is a great way to take back control in your life, there are three examples when you should not let them: if someone is doing something dangerous, advocating for yourself, and if someone is continuously crossing boundaries. Being able to differentiate between times when you do or don’t need to call someone out will not always be easy. However, starting small and working your way up will help you lead a life where you have surrounded yourself with people who respect you.
But not everyone is using this theory…
A very important person in my life always reminds me: “You can only meet people as far as they’ve met themselves.” This is a very important mentality to have. Just because you’ve run a marathon, graduated college, gotten a therapist, or bettered yourself in some way, does not mean that everyone else in your life has done the same. People in your life will not meet the expectations you set for YOURSELF! Everyone is different, and everyone’s growth looks different. In the process of becoming your greater self, remember that not everyone in your life is doing the same. Sharing this article or Mel’s podcast with someone you love is a great way to not force change on someone, but to open them up to the possibilities of a greater self.
Listen here: https://podcasts.apple.com/mz/podcast/the-let-them-theory-a-life-changing-mindset-hack/id1646101002?i=1000614815209