Q: How do I tell someone that’s totally into me that I just want to be friends?
At some point in their life everyone experiences an admirer who goes too far. It can become uncomfortable and put you in an awkward position when you don’t reciprocate the affection. It’s hard to find a polite way to let someone down sometimes, but we have come up with a couple of pointers:
For the shy person:
When you’re shy it may be hard to tell someone exactly how you feel because you’re afraid of hurting their feelings, but there are ways to go about it where you don’t have to be blunt and risk that. If this person is an acquaintance or a classmate start by dropping subtle hints that you’re not into them. If they ask to study or hang out, tell them you’re busy with school, friends or just need some time alone to relax. If they insist, tell them you’ll check your schedule and “forget” to get back to them. If that doesn’t work start being short with them. If you want the conversation to be a little more private because you just can’t bare letting someone one down, try having the conversation over text message. Abbreviate your text messages and send short answers such as “k”, “ttyl”, or “sure.” By not replying you’re sending a message, but it’s essential that you have your read receipts on to make the let down a little easier. If this person is still not getting the hint it may be time to step up and become more straightforward with them.
If this person is your friend you may be a little more apprehensive to say anything, but you don’t want this one sided affection to ruin your friendship. Dropping subtle hints is the same way to start with them. Emphasize the friendship you guys have and refer to him/her as your “bro” or “bud”. If you guys are spending time together point out other people you may find attractive, especially people who look nothing like your admirer. Showing them you’re interested in other people will emphasize the fact that you do not want what they are offering. If they’re still not getting the hint, try asking a mutual friend to talk to them. This way you won’t have to confront them yourself, but can give them a direct answer without the risk of making it awkward. If that is still not working, being straightforward is your next option. You may not always want to take it there but sometimes it is necessary in these situations.
For the straightforward person:
We all hate people who just can’t take a hint. However, if it is someone whom you consider to be a friend it is still okay to be straight up with him/her because if that person is truly your friend they would not be willing to do anything that makes you uncomfortable and jeopardizes the friendship. If telling him or her that you “just want to be friends” does not work try being short with the person sending text messages like: “I’m not into you”, “I have someone I’m already involved with”, and “Same phone. Who is this?”. Over abbreviating or just avoiding long conversations over text is often a clear indicator that you just don’t want to be bothered because it’s true we do make time for the things and people we want.
On the other hand when addressing someone who you do not consider to be a friend don’t be afraid to bust their balls, because you have nothing to lose. This is your opportunity to “say the truth and nothing but the truth so help you god.” Though it may hurt their ego they’ll have an answer and be able to move on. If he/she keeps bugging you after that stop replying. You’ve told him/her how you feel and there’s no way to sugar coat that and plus they were practically begging for your honestly with the constant flirting, texting, or absurd obsession of hanging out. If they can’t get over you after that it’s their problem and not yours.
Ladies and gents there is an upside, you can always just be friends!