I turned 20 years old two months ago. I didn’t realize that I’d be starting my 20th birthday having a seizure six days prior. It made me realize just how precious life is. Not a single day should be taken for granted. I look at things differently now, I’m not sure if that was from my seizure or if being 20 years old makes people magically more mature. 20 years old feels old when I look back on all the experiences I’ve had. That’s the beauty and fear of growing up. I can look back and see all that I’ve done but I also can look forward and see all the things I’m going to do.
When the clock hit midnight, I was surrounded by people who have stuck by me through everything and I couldn’t have been more grateful for that. It was weird to me that I didn’t feel different though. I felt just like I felt at 11:59 p.m. and that made me realize how fast life goes by. It’s not that turning a new age makes someone feel a different way or a brand new person. Over the years I grow and change, as a person does, and then I look back and realize how much change a person can go through in 20 years.
There are two perspectives that go through my mind when I realize I’m 20 years old now. I have so much more of my life to live, I’m only 20 years old and there are so many more things I get to experience. I get to experience graduating college and moving somewhere to become a journalist. I get to experience living in a way I haven’t been able to yet because of school and because I was young. I have so many more dreams now that I realize I can do whatever I want with my life because it is in fact my life.
The other perspective is that I feel like I was 12 years old not that long ago, I feel like I blinked and my life as a teen flew by. I look around and realize I’m not a kid anymore, it scares me but excites me at the same time. It scares me that I can never get those years back, I can never be that kid that runs over to my best friend/neighbor’s house to play in their backyard. I can never be at my old house and walk into my sister’s room from our Jack and Jill bathroom to steal her clothes.
Being 20 years old feels like the awkward stage of life where I still call my mom about doing basic things but also doing things independently that I never thought I could do. It’s that awkward age where I don’t know if calling my mom four times every day is not grown-up enough. I live in an apartment so I’m independent but I still need my roommates to get stuff off the top shelf for me. Being 20 years old is a part of my timeline that is not even halfway done.