“To become what one is, one must not have the faintest idea what one is.” — Friedrich Nietzsche.
I recently had a conversation with my best friend about “growing up” and what it means to be 20-something. Deriving what I know from personal experience, I of course concluded that these were some of the most salient, earnest and trying years of our entire lives.
I wanted to share my experiences with identity, passion and purpose; for which at times, I have struggled with each. I perceive not every individual encounters these feelings, but for those who do and those who are, this personal addendum is for you.
Over these last three years, I’ve experienced some of the most difficult growing pains in finding who I am and who I want to be. It is utterly disheartening to feel lost and unsure of identity, passion and purpose. I found difficulty in choosing a career path and so greatly envied those who knew theirs from the start. People asking me what my career goals were or my future plan would send me into an immediate defensive position. The answers to those questions were unbeknown to me as I was trying to figure that out for myself; and quite honestly still am (and that’s okay).
Admittedly, not having a clearly defined career path overshadowed my struggles with my internal identity, my lack of passion and struggles for a purpose in life. I was in a constant limbo of feeling stuck and feeling sorry for myself. I think it’s okay to allow yourself to feel lost and experience feelings of self-pity, but it is crucial to not marinate in negative emotions such as these.
In fear of judgment or lowering people’s expectations of me, I usually omit the part where I dropped out of school in 2021 and moved back home. I left college and got my Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) certification instead. After two years of university, I quite literally went back to square one in finding who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do.
Looking back today, it is funny to think that I was embarrassed to tell people this part of my story, when now, it is one of the things I am most proud of. It takes a lot of courage to admit to yourself and others that your current pathway is not the right one. Change is scary and usually quite difficult. People will disapprove of your choices and convince you not to do it. I have said this in one of my articles before, and I will say it again, you know yourself best. Do what is best for you.
While working full-time as an EMT for a year, I feel I have found both my passion and purpose. I am currently back in school following a career path I am passionate about. I am working towards my paramedic certification in hopes to give back to a community and a job that has taught me so much about not only me but others and life in general. The people I have met, the experiences I have endured, and the things I have seen have undoubtedly sparked a passion for living.
The point I am trying to make in telling you all of this is that it is perfectly acceptable to change your mind. You are allowed to not know. You don’t have to meet the expectations of those around you, and if you aren’t happy with what you’re doing make the change, take a gap year or try a different job. It doesn’t matter if it’s once, twice or 10 times. Who knows? You might just find your purpose.