Hello, it’s me, the perpetually single girl; I am as solo as my favorite red cup, and I am completely happy with that. However, there are some drawbacks to this life of independence. Always having to pay for my own food is one of these problems, but I think the worst thing about being the “never in a relationship” girl is always having to explain myself to others. My life is filled with questions like “You are so great, how are you still single?” or “So, any men in your life?” or even comments such as “Maybe you are just too picky” or even “The clock is ticking!” While some of these comments may be well intentioned, they are frustrating. Why is my relationship status a topic of conversation? Do I need another person to validate my existence? Is my personal life your business? I actually do have an answer for that last one: No. Why then is it up for discussion?
There are many women like me. Some are single because they have very high standards and are waiting for “the one.” Others may just be enjoying independence. Some may be too busy for a committed relationship. Some may be living in our hookup culture and not interested in being with one person exclusively. Whatever reason a woman has for being single, it is valid and does not need to be up for discussion or debate. I personally enjoy my independence and am not looking for a serious relationship. The last thing I want to do is keep myself accountable to someone or deal with the pressure of a relationship. This does not mean that I am alone and unhappy, I have many friends; I am constantly surrounded by love and companionship. I am busy pursuing success and happiness; if love becomes part of that journey that is fine. But for now, why must I be searching for it?
I feel that in today’s world, being single is an absolute tragedy. So many apps and websites are created in order to connect people desperate for love. Society so often shows women as needing to be saved from their singleness by a man. Movie plots transform the uptight business woman into a lady worthy of being loved by a man, instead of (gasp) being successful on her own. Books put the damsel up in the tower for everyone to look at as she is saved by a shining knight instead of letting her fashion a rope and escape herself. Even if it is the man being “saved” by the love of a woman, happiness and singleness is never an option. Ultimate happiness is only found when they tie the knot or kiss in the rain.
This is not to say that relationships are always horrible. I know so many people who are happy to be in love with their best friend and I really do think that would be great to have one day. But I also see people my age tying themselves up in this commitment, and from the outside looking in, all I see is drama. I see superficial social media posts; I see overpriced dates; I see women my age choosing a man over a career. I see dependency when all I want is independence. I want to be my own person, and if that doesn’t factor in someone else right now, then that is okay. Let me do me.Â