Disclosure: Take this article light-heartedly.
Walking around Tech’s campus you can’t help but notice the standard stereotypes that have continued to linger on since high school. Where you can’t help, but say ‘sh*t, an Ag major would say that,’ or ‘a sorority girl would be getting an iced coffee at ABP.’ So cheers to the 7 people you will meet at Tech. May they never lose their cliché label and may they remain true to their place in the Hokie Nation.
1. The Sorostitute: Swarms of them bask in the green house that is ABP. Clenching iced coffees, monogrammed Longchamp’s and wearing the standard outfit that VT No Pants infamously dubbed as something unbearable: leggings as pants. You know what I’m talking about, the classic leggings, lettered sweatshirt, Ray Bans on Croakies look that sorostitutes are signature for sporting. More power to the girls who single-handedly made leggings as pants a trend.
2. The Jersey Chaser: Watching this girl swoon over an athlete is almost as disturbing as seeing a couple canoodling at a table in West End. These type of girls flock to the mesh jerseys, the status of dating an athlete and the bragging rights they think they get at the end of the night. Let’s be real girls, no one cares how many rushing yards he had last game or that he texted you last Friday saying “Wz hapenin 2nite?” (Yes, it would be hard to decipher like that.) It’s not going anywhere. So save yourself the embarrassment, sweetheart, and stop melting over an athlete’s number at every house party.
3. The Ag Major: Call me “ma’am” one more time and I swear I might melt. He’s the cutie who makes the guy in Sweet Home Alabama look like a loser. The Ag major is the perfect southern gentleman equipped with cowboy boots, plaid shirt, personalized belt buckle and the sweetest southern drawl in all of Virginia. If their signature “Amurrica” themed party isn’t enough to make you want to put on a pair of jean shorts, a tattered Nascar T-shirt and say “howdy,” I don’t know what else will.
4. The Engineer: If using their Fujitsu Tablet computer on the bus is a talent, these guys have mastered it. Numbers might come easy to these guys, but getting laid is a whole other story. Yes, we’ve witnessed the packs of them traveling across the Drillfield discussing their Statics grade, hands in their pocket and staring at the ground, I mean how can you miss them? Well, they’ll probably be making six figures in a few years; let’s just hope they clean up well.
5. The Frat Star: When you hear them call Owen’s, “Browens” you know you’re in the presence of a frat star. Wearing their signature Ralph Lauren Polo’s, boat shoes, backward hat and a huge ego you can’t help but laugh to yourself—they’re just so easy to spot. Yelling “Hey man” or “Hey bro” across the Empo (their feeding grounds) just about puts the icing on the cake for these easy-to-spot frat guys.
6. The Artsy Architect: Sitting under miscellaneous trees sketching should be a straight giveaway to what major these students are. These people eat, breathe, drink, work, play, study, cook and God knows what else in studio; I mean it all sounds a little tiring to me. Why pay rent when they pretty much spend all day and all night in studio? I’m all for wearing fedoras, listening to John Coltrane and sulking in studio day-in and day-out, but it’s all sounding a little too cult-like for my liking.
7. The Gym Rat: Grunting your rep while bench-pressing at McComas isn’t necessarily a turn-on for girls. Guys, c’mon you really think wearing a “Wife-Beater” and carrying around Muscle Milk after a rigorous workout is going to make you feel like you got your swoll on? We know you love doing your thing at the gym, but carrying around a bath towel and a gallon of water is just a little much, actually it’s a little funny. Keep up the good work and don’t lose count on the abductor machine.