Throughout college, people have been in and out of my life. There have also been people who have become more permanent and have consistently played a role in the choices I make. One question I have been pondering over the years is whether or not I have joined the right crowd; and I know that I am not the only person asking this question. The big question many of us have is , “Are we making the right friends?” The answer to this question is not as black and white as your parents made it seem in high school. College is a time where we overlook the faults of our friends to find their true intentions, but sometimes we do not know where to draw the line with their faults because you enjoy their presence too much. To deal with this dilemma, I asked myself three questions about the quality of the people I surrounded myself with:
“Have they opened up new perspectives in your life that you would have otherwise never considered?”
If the answer to this question is yes, these people are definitely worth sticking with through your college years. College is the perfect time to meet people that do not have the same experiences or beliefs as the people back home. I have gained so much from my friends who have different tastes and interests than me and I have come to adopt some of their views and they have come to appreciate some of mine.
Especially if you come from a hometown where you often felt like you were living in a bubble, different ideas and perspectives can definitely enhance your college experience.
If the answer to this question is no, think about why you feel as though they have not added much value to your life. There is nothing wrong with spending time with like-minded people, but if you feel like you are stuck in a routine where you are wasting your life away, it is time to branch out and meet new people.
“Are they nice to other people? Or do you find them voicing more rude comments about others?
One thing that was very difficult for me to understand in high school was that your friends should not just be nice to you- they should be nice to everyone. If you find yourself around people who tend to talk badly about others all the time, there is a way to combat it. Be the role model and make it a point that you don’t like rude comments about others. And if that does not work, make sure that you distance yourself from participating in the gossip. Trash talking others is not a serious enough reason to drop your friends completely, but it’s definitely reason enough to distance yourself from being involved with it.
“Do you know their true character is good? Or are you suspicious that they have a different agenda?”
Do they hit you up for homework help more than asking you to spend time with them? Do you find yourself helping them out more than they are helping you? If the answer to these questions is yes, it might be time to spend time with people who are not taking advantage of you. Yes, it is good to be a helping hand from time to time, but if you know that they would not do the same for you, you are in an unbalanced friendship where one person gives and the other takes.
Hopefully if you find yourself questioning who you are spending time with, these questions will help clear up your confusion. More than anything, I suggest not taking others’ opinions of your friends as advice on whether or not to stick with them. No one knows your friends better than you do, only you can be the judge of who they are. Image sources: 1/ 2