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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Virginia Tech chapter.

I am going to preface this article by stating I bring a thoughtful point of view and perspective. It will be nothing about religion, slut-shaming or being a prude. I am speaking from a heterosexual perspective, as it is the only perspective I know and have lived, but I wish I could provide more to all. These are my individual opinions on the Gen-Z dating scene and how skewed it has become. 

I started hearing the term “boy sober” within the past couple of months. The definition from Urban Dictionary is “not talking to a boy, talking about boys, or dating a boy.” It is debatably a form of abstinence. I was intrigued by the fact that this term has been coined and frequently used among my friends. I am here to announce why I chose to be “boy sober” and why so many of my other friends are choosing the same path.  

Dating in this day and age is extremely difficult and frustrating. As I have stated in a previous article, https://www.hercampus.com/school/virginia-tech/how-to-be-happy-being-single/, relationships are not relationships anymore. They are situationships, another term coined by Gen-Z, describing one person being in a delusional world while the other reaps the benefits of a relationship.  

I feel that this is more common among the heterosexual relationships I see around campus. Usually, the boy, is the one who gets the benefits of sex, and the girl, wants more out of the relationship. The boy will buy her flowers, but not take her home to Mom. They will cook together, have sex together, sleep over at each other’s apartments, and say things to each other that they have never told other people. It is not “friends with benefits” because usually it is never emphasized that one person just wants to keep things casual.  

Why is the situationship more common than ever? I believe this phenomenon is correlated to the mass usage of dating apps. You feel that you can get anyone you want, at whatever time you want, with just a quick swipe. You can get persistent hits of dopamine and gratification through these apps. Someone can call you pretty or handsome within minutes of holding an account with Tinder or Bumble.  

Situationships are, as I would say, not for the weak. They hurt more than a legitimate breakup. I believe this is because you created a figment of him in your imagination. Sometimes it’s delusion, but other times it is valid because the man tells you multiple lies to make you feel special. Isn’t that a load of nonsense? 

So why is it that women feel they must prevail over “boy soberness”? Well, there are many reasons as to why. First, politically speaking, people who can carry a child feel unsafe in this country. Anyone with reproductive organs is in a heightened state of fear due to the reversal of Roe v. Wade. Some of us are not able to receive adequate healthcare. I have heard people claim that abstinence feels like the only safe option in this day and age. 

Actress, model, and mother, Julia Fox, has claimed multiple times that she chooses abstinence. “With the overturning of Roe v. Wade, if they were going to take away our rights to our body [our reproductive rights], well, this is my way of taking them back.” 

Click below for full interview!

Another reason for abstinence today is people are choosing to not give themselves to someone who does not respect their boundaries or morals. To older people, this might feel easy. Yes, abstain from people that don’t care about you. But when dating culture is so messed up and people give you the attention you crave, it is hard not to think that they might care about you more than the sex.  

There have been multiple research studies that have shown Gen-Z abstinence is at an all-time high. Gen-Z is considered less sex-positive than older generations. I believe that this has everything to do with how Gen-Z socially interacts and how previous generations raised us.  

So, what now? What do we do with all of this information? I believe we must grow personally to receive what we want out of our sexual partners and lifelong relationships. 

I have chosen to be “boy sober.” I want to grow into the working woman I know I can become. I don’t want to be distracted. I want to receive my degree and move on in my life. I have dreams, and I feel they dwindle with the wrong men by my side. I am willing to wait years for a partner who will treat me right.  

I would cry so hard when I did not receive the validation I wanted. I have had many men tell me lies, including one telling my friends that I was his girlfriend and then he told me a week later that we were not together. I want to gain peace and become the most confident version of myself. I know that it is best for me to take a break from this perpetual cycle of dating.  

“Boy sober” is not a lifestyle for everyone, but it might help if you are feeling you are in the endless loop of validation from men. Maybe in the future, dating will change. People will realize that these dating apps and morals are profoundly flawed.  

Love is not dead. I feel I need to emphasize that within this article. Just because there are many disreputable individuals out there, does not mean that there is not one for you. But maybe for now, self-love is good. 

Emily Chipman

Virginia Tech '26

I am a Cognitive and Behavioral Neuroscience major with a minor in Psychology, pursuing a pre-law track. Originally from San Diego, California, I attended high school in Blacksburg, Virginia. I am actively involved in a Panhellenic sorority and the IHSR research program. Through IHSR, I secured a position as an undergraduate research assistant in Dr. Bickel's Addictive Behaviors Lab at the Fralin Biomedical Research Institute in Roanoke. In addition to my strong passion for STEM, I have a deep interest in law, ethics, and social justice. I am particularly intrigued by the intersection of neuroscience and the legal system, and I am committed to exploring how cognitive science can inform legal policies and practices. In my free time, I enjoy reading and writing. I joined Her Campus to enhance my writing skills and to connect with others who share an enthusiasm for journalism. My goal is to leverage my diverse interests to make a meaningful impact in both the scientific and legal communities.