“What I am saying is-and this is not a come on in any way, shape or form-is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way…Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is already doomed and that is the end of the story.”
Many of you may recognize that quote from the movie When Harry Met Sally. At one point in time many people believed that men and women could not just be friends, and 50 years ago when male and female interaction were very limited outside of the home that may have been true. Nowadays, however, men and women interact everywhere, especially on college campuses. You can find potential guy friends in your classes, at the gym, at a football game, at a party, the possibilities are endless.
Guy friends are not only great for relaxing and playing videogames with, but they can also give some of the best, straightforward honest advice. However, there are some unwritten rules that we have to follow to keep the friendship as just that, a friendship. Just like we have our girl code, things that girlfriends should or shouldn’t do to each other to keep the friendship functioning, there should also be a code for our guy friends so that certain lines will never be crossed.
Avoid hanging out in date situations
This rule is especially important for the first year of a friendship. If the two of you constantly hang out alone together, go out to eat together, watch movies together, the chances are greater that one of you will think of the friendship as something more. Even if you and your guy friend do not see it that way, chances are your other friends and guys will. This could not only cause other potential boyfriends to be scared away, but also lead to a bombardment of questions of “Are you guys a couple?” or awkward pressure on the two of you when friends constantly say “Aw you guys are so cute together.” To avoid all of this, it is just best to hang out in groups, at least for the first year of your friendship.
Avoid dating behaviors
Also going along with the first point; don’t be too affectionate with each other. It can be so easy to treat this guy like your temporary “boyfriend”, intentionally or unintentionally, but this can be detrimental to your friendship. If you cuddle a lot or have pet names for each other, then that should be the first sign that you might be getting too close. Although it can be just fun at first, it could send mixed signals and either you or him will start getting real feelings for the other.
Avoid talking about each other’s relationships
This is probably the most important rule of the guy friend code. Although it is fine to get dating advice from each other and it is great for you to get a male perspective on many things, your relationships should be an off-limits topic. Just think about it. If your guy friend is having problems with his girl and complains to you about her, you might be tempted to say a lot of bad things about her as well to make him feel better. Then three days later they make up, but you still remember all of the bad things he told you about her, or worse, he tells his girlfriend all of the bad things you said about her; either way it is not a good situation. Also, in the opposite situation, if you tell him about the problems you are having with your boyfriend, he will feel like you are expecting him to be a hero and save you somehow from your bad relationship. So for this reason, relationships are off limits. Always.
Now this may seem like too many rules and too much maintenance just for a friendship with a guy, but it is worth it. There is no one that will be more loyal to you, more honest with you, and more supportive of you than your best guy friend.
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