So you’re a Hokie. Now what?
Whether you’re picking out your dorm’s color scheme, Facebook stalking a potential roomie or figuring out how you’re going to hide alcohol from your RA, we’re here to help. Or at least keep you from looking like a freshman. If wearing a lanyard and a “What’s a Hokie…I am” T-shirt isn’t enough to reek freshman, then I don’t know what is. If I were you I’d print out this list and make sure you follow these rules to a tee. Consider this a “housewarming” gift from the Hokie Nation. You’re welcome.
· Dorm showers are disgusting: Wear shower shoes. Between stepping over used Band Aids and globs of hair, you won’t regret it.
· Accessorizing an outfit with a lanyard screams you’re a freshman: Never wear a lanyard around your neck or any other miscellaneous body part. If for some reason you come to college and think a lanyard becomes a “statement necklace” you’re wrong.
· “I’m going to buy a marker board so people can write me cute little messages.” Wrong. 9 times out of 10 you will receive artistic sketches of penises and other genitalia. We’re sorry to burst your bubble, but your dry erase marker will be stolen within a week and your cute bubble-lettered, “Katie & Jenny’s Room” will be changed to “Katie & Jenny’s Room Whore House.”
· Lovely Lofts: They’re not so lovely when your roommate finds you mangled in sheets, lying face first on the floor, hugging a handle of Burnetts. OK so maybe that was based off a true story. Coming from a former loft owner, get a bar on your loft that prevents you from falling off. You won’t regret it.
· Your R.A.’s a betch: Marching band, pro-anime books, collects seashells. If any of these descriptions match your R.A., you’re going to want to read on. Don’t be a drunk betch; throwing up in your hall bathroom, clutching your empty Andre bottle because somehow, someway your R.A. will catch you and will write you up. Unless of course she is in the stall next to you simultaneously throwing up her night of lost dignity.
· Senior Powder Puff: Any T-shirts related to senior year. That includes Senior Powder Puff, Debate Team, Chess Club, Sexy Senior…they’ve all got to go.
· Dasani, Deer Park, Smart Water: Don’t be fooled, 95% of the time it’s not really water. Smell the contents of the bottle before you take a swig of it.
· Print out a map: I still do this and I’m a junior. Call me a loser, I’m OK with that. (Ex: McBryde is one big circle, don’t let it fool you)
· The Blacksburg Transit: As a freshman, I never understood the bus system, which is why I let it get the best of me. On more than one occasion, I got on the wrong bus, got off at the wrong stop and thought Collegiate Suites was Fox Ridge. *Side note: the bus stops running on the weekends at 2 a.m. Trust me, you don’t want to get stuck at Hunter’s Ridge after a rager because you’re going to be walking a long distance in those 4” heels.
· Speaking of 4” heels: I get it; you want to look hot at the party. I’m here to tell you 4” pumps are going to kick your a** at the end of the night. If walking barefoot down Patrick Henry at 2:30 a.m. isn’t a season ender then I don’t know what is.
· The Black North Face Epidemic: Everybody owns North Faces. They are all black. I am not being racist. Do not, by any means, take your black North Face to any party, rager, keger, mixer, etc. because you will lose it.
Pictures:
http://www.halloffamememorabilia.com/images/products/p-93809-virginia-tech-hokies-breakaway-lanyard-w-swivel-hook-cotg-lanyardncaa-virginiatech.jpg
http://www.lolbrary.com/content/551/ultimate-college-freshman-12551.jpg