…That is the question many high school graduates are faced with after they move on and begin their college careers. As students graduate from high school and move away to attend college, there is often a relationship that is left behind. The high school sweetheart that they used to see every day is now at the other end of a long-distance relationship. Many people feel extremely torn over the decision to either stay with or break up with their high school boyfriend/girlfriend. Asking advice from friends usually only adds to the confusion because a friend will form an opinion and tell you what they think you should do regardless of how much experience they actually have with the situation. That being the case, I have drawn from many different advice articles as well as my own experience and will hopefully provide you with a broader view of the issue. For the sake of clarity, I will say “boyfriend,” but it applies to a girlfriend as well.
Scenario: You move away from your hometown to go to college and leave your boyfriend behind. He calls you every day and always sounds sad when you mention the new friends you are making and the new experiences you are exploring. You feel guilty about being happy and having fun without him because he obviously misses you so much. You are hesitant to go to parties or make new friends that are guys because you feel like that might be betraying him somehow. You find yourself holding back from diving into the college experience because you feel bad about making new memories and exploring a new life without him.
What do you do? Whatever a relationship may be, it should not feel like a trap or like chains holding you back from life. College is about change. It is about exploring new opportunities, making new friends, and trying new things. College is filled with self-discovery and not jumping into it because of guilt or some perceived obligation to not have fun without your boyfriend borders on the tragic. If this is the case, then you either need to have a serious heart-to-heart with your boyfriend and change the situation or bid him adieu. If you can’t come up with a way to stay together and each feel happy about starting separate chapters in your lives, then it is probably time to part ways so you don’t have to feel guilty about living your life. If, however, you can trust each other enough to go to parties and do all the other things that college entails without feeling jealous or worried, then there is definitely hope that you can make your relationship work. By and large most relationships fall apart when one or both of the people involved go to college, but there are exceptions to the rule. As long as you make sure you are not afraid to be social, meet new people, and try new things and that your boyfriend is equally able to stand on his own, then staying together is okay. However, you will meet so many new people in college and the likelihood of your high school sweetheart being “the one” is very low. There are more people in college who share your interests than there were at your high school, and you will likely find someone who is more compatible with you. Your college experiences will change you, sometimes so much that your past relationship is no longer a good fit. My advice to most people struggling with this issue is to start college with a clean slate and break up with your high school boyfriend/girlfriend. It is so hard to keep a long-distance relationship going, though not impossible, and you want to enter college free to make your own choices with nothing to hold you back.
Personally, I decided to hold on to my boyfriend from high school when I came to Virginia Tech. We had been dating for four years and we were going to the same campus, so I thought it would be easy and natural for us to continue dating. Sure enough, I moved forward and met new people, joined a few clubs, and tried many new things. I felt more and more like I was leaving him behind because I was changing and he wasn’t, or at least not in the same ways I was. He would sometimes get jealous of the time I spent with other guys I befriended and he didn’t want me going to parties without him. Instead of starting college with a clean slate or fostering a trusting, understanding college relationship with my boyfriend, we drifted apart and broke up a month into the semester. This situation happens a lot, though not usually with the two people at the same college. Those who decide that the general rule doesn’t apply to them often find themselves slowly drifting apart after they start college until they break up anyway. In my case it only lasted a month, but some don’t recognize the distance until many months or even years, wasting valuable time that could be spent on living out the full college experience.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure you do it for you. Don’t make a decision just based on statistics or what your friends think is best. Decide what you think would be best for you and what would make you happy. If you are not happy, then change your situation. Whether you stay in the relationship or not, don’t be afraid to live out loud and blossom into the adult you want to be.