I have friends that are graduating in just a few short weeks. I think that’s what has spawned my “senioritis” far too early. Thoughts of next steps and life after college cloud my mind more and more these days, creating a subtle but powerful feeling of underlying anxiety that seems to puncture my days lately. So, here are some thoughts of a junior, trying to cope with the fact that she will soon be a senior, and all that comes with that.
- i am so old
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The fresh-faced 18-year-olds that flood the campus every Fall have a way of making upperclassmen feel their age. From the way they dress to the way they socialize, freshmen bring a unique innocence that can easily be spotted. However, seeing seniors that you have come to know and look up to graduate themselves, and then realize you are right behind them? That is a new kind of experience. That is a new kind of feeling old.
- what am i even doing after graduation?
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I am currently pursuing my bachelors of science in psychology. I love people. I love understanding their emotions, motivations and why they act the way they do. I chose this degree because of that love, and when I started my classes, it all just felt right. Now, I have to consider how to turn that degree into a career. It’s too late to switch now. I’m stuck with it. I sure hope 18-year-old me made the right decision, and I can make a decent living with the knowledge I have gained from the jumble of classes that I have been taking.
- Have i done everything to actually graduate?
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Believe it or not, you can’t just go to classes and then walk at graduation and be done with it. You have to apply for your degree, check with your advisor to meet all your requirements for classes, scholarships, honors, etc. Then — and thankfully I have yet to get to this part — you have to buy your cap and gown, cords and tickets for graduation. Do they even sell tickets? I’m still figuring it out. I’m still a ways off, but there are so many details to figure out. I’m praying I don’t miss one and they keep my degree from me.
- I have to apply for graduate school
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I thought that after applying for college that I would be done. Done with transcripts, letters of recommendation and standardized tests — God, the standardized tests were horrible. But unfortunately I have to take the graduate school equivalent of the SAT, the GRE, to apply to clinical psychology PhD programs. I’ve been knee deep in research of what programs are best, where I want to live and acceptance rates for different schools. Fun fact: most clinical psychology PhD programs have an acceptance rate of 1-2% — less than law school and medical school. So trying to wrestle with that has been very stressful.
- i’ll eventually be leaving my favorite place – and my favorite people
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This is the one that hits the hardest. It’s not for another year — thank God — but I’m learning how fast time flies. “Time flies” is the expression, but I feel like there should be a second part, “time flies, and then it’s over.” Not very poetic, but it’s accurate. We only get one college experience, and mine will be ending fairly soon. Luckily, I still have another year, and I am determined to make the best of it. Do all the things I have been pushing off with all the people I want to do them with. I have yet to hike the Cascades, or any hike for that matter. That’s something I’ve been swearing I will do since freshman year. I’ve got to try more places to eat that aren’t on campus. Take advantage of the local businesses and stores. Because unless I get accepted to the PhD program here — fingers crossed — I’ll be leaving. And I want to soak up every aspect of Blacksburg I can until then.
I’m trying to make my “early onset senioritis” work to my advantage. I want to experience everything I can, while I still have the time do to it. So, to all my fellow juniors, we have time. This is not a story mourning the end of our college careers. Some of the hardest things we have to do are still to come. But the end is on the horizon, and I’m going to do the best I can to live in the moment while keeping an eye on it.
