I’m going to be honest with you guys here. I’m probably like most people in this world: a true ambivert. I like being around people and meeting fun personalities, but I also like being in the comfort of my warm bed watching Ouran High School Host Club for the sixtieth time in a row. I think this became especially prevalent when I started college; I was more of an extroverted kid in high school, but for some reason I’ve gone full hermit mode since.
My guess for why this happened is because I could finally do the things I wanted without having to ask my parents. Crazy stuff.
Going from an extrovert to an introverted-leaning ambivert was probably the thing that made me most comfortable now. I love myself. While, granted, I do enjoy being a social butterfly and meeting new people, I’m 100% myself when I’m by myself. I don’t feel judged by others on my personality or what I’m wearing, but that’s a whole different conversation.
Anyways, before I go completely off topic, this is for my extroverted people. You, dear reader, are probably one of those people since you clicked on this article. So, I’m here to give you a little insight and help you with your introverted friends, as one myself. Sort of.
- Don’t say, “You need friends!”
-
Seriously, don’t. Trust me, they know, we know, and I — especially — know. It makes me feel undervalued as a person; like, am I an amazing person only when I’m with other people? In reality, I can be even more myself when I’m by myself. We do understand that having a bunch of friends is helpful in having different connections and having a vast support group, but some people find that making friends is a difficult thing to do. I mean, the first step itself is intimidating enough. I have to go up to a person, compliment them and start talking to them? We have to find common ground and what we similarly like? No, thanks. Why can’t you just talk to me? That way I don’t have to do the first step…
Obviously that’s not the way it works, but y’know.
If you absolutely need to tell them that they need more friends, I advise you to do so lightly. It’s annoying being constantly told it, but sometimes people need the truth too.
- Please, for the love of god, don’t force us to go anywhere
-
This one is for all my people that can’t say no, like me. One rule I try to abide by is if I can’t say yes with enthusiasm in less than eight seconds, then it’s a no.
Some people use three or five seconds, but honestly it varies from person to person.
If your friend isn’t 100% into it, whatever you’re trying to get them to do is just going to make them even more miserable and honestly might even make them hate it. You don’t want that, nobody wants that, so if they don’t want to do it and you really want to do it, then maybe compromise.
- Compromise, compromise, compromise
-
I brought this up in the last bullet point, but this one is kind of an important one. I won’t deny, sometimes when I’m feeling super introverted, it’s best for me to be forced to get out and get some fresh air. A lot of relationships rely on compromise, so this one is definitely a big thing. Here’s how I like to be compromised with when I’m feeling incredibly introverted and my friends want me to go somewhere:
Me: I don’t want to go… I just want to watch Sex Education [sad face].
Them, my loving, caring friend: I’ll buy you food and boba while we’re out.
Me, putting on my shoes and grabbing my jacket: That’s crazy. Where are we going? Club event? Painting?
I’m very easily swayed by food.
Anyways, obviously you can’t do that every time because it’d be unfair and probably would make you go broke, but you get the point. I think compromises are very important for any relationship. It gives both sides a chance to get what they want and have something in return; it’s a win-win situation, basically.
- Just ask and listen, honestly
-
There is nothing I love more than hanging out with the people I love, but sometimes I just want the night to myself. We promise, we don’t hate you and it’s not something you did or said, it’s just that we need time to ourselves. If you really are unsure about something, just talk it out with that person. It’s better to express your feelings than to keep something bottled up inside, because that’s how neutrality can turn into animosity.
Now obviously, like I said earlier, I’m not completely introverted, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I’m not a scientist or a psychologist, I’m just a person that knows from experience. Hope this helped!
Reece <3