When you’re totally caught and can’t bear it anymore, here’s how to navigate the waters with your girl and her man.
First off, remember – you are her BEST friend. If this is up for debate, you need not read on, because this is some difficult territory and amateur acquaintances need not get involved (I don’t see why you would want to). You’ve heard every little detail from the beginning- from their out of the blue first meeting, to the first time she stalked his Facebook, and finally that moment they went on a real date (where he paid and everything).
Whether it was all along or somewhere after that defining FBO moment, something in your ever-so-logical head just screamed something along the lines of “WHAT IS SHE DOING?!?!?” As the best friend, it’s your job to decide how to proceed from here… either to accept it, or help her along and make her decision for her – sometimes it’s true that Mama BFF knows best.
Step One: Define why it is that you hate him
To put it bluntly,is the kid just a straight up douche bag? Yes? Ok then- strike one, simple enough. While the fact that he really is just an a****** can be your primary reason for disliking him- there can be so much more meat to explaining this. If you don’t have a straight answer to this very simple question, just continue to keep an eye out, some douche bags manage to fly under the most sophisticated best friend radar.
Is he mean to you personally? Some people are definitely two faced, and if he changes in front of you when she’s not looking- that’s a major red flag that something is wrong with the guy. How can you let your friend fall for someone when they don’t know the whole person?
Step Two: Time to DTR (define the relationship) –meaning theirs… & yours and theirs.
Does he treat her right? If he does, he clearly values her company for more than bogus reasons. A boyfriend has to give as much as he takes, and if he’s causing any sort of upset to her on a regular basis- that’s strike two. It might take a lot of effort to observe, but when you know she’s agonizing on how to respond to his accusatory text, making her crazy over how she looks around him, or not valuing her for who she is, then he is not someone you want around your girl.
As for you and him, think about this, is there a personal thing that’s getting in the way? I know you
heard from a friend who has a friend who he went to high school with who might have hooked up with him once that – oh wait… Disconnect. Make sure if you’re letting something like this get in the way of getting along with someone that you hear it from reliable sources. And I mean RELIABLE, not the Wikipedia version of someone’s reputation. Just think about it- do you really know him that well? Is he not the hottie you think your friend deserves? If his only crime is not being good enough for your best friend- well, who is? Make sure your own personal preferences are not getting in the way of something so important to your BFF’s life if it really can be avoided.
Step 3: Game Plan
Whatever you decide to do after this- stick to it! Unless whatever creature your best friend is dating somehow evolves into something much closer to human level, make up your mind and don’t change it.
How long have they been going out? If he’s a passing ship, just keep your cool as long as you can. Unless he actually does something that freaks you out enough, let her figure it out for herself. However, if she’s gone ga-ga for someone that has future psycho stamped on his forehead and she’s completely unaware, act fast. Like ripping off a Band-Aid, it’ll sting less if you just spit it out and bring her back to reality.
So… should you tell her? Obviously even the closest of friends needs to go about this gently. You were in her life first, but if he’s gonna be around for a while, and you plan staying there too, you’ll need to get this off your chest before an inadvertent rift occurs between your girls two favorite people. Even though the boyfriend’s flaws are inherently obvious to you, somehow she sees something in him. Just like the first fact established in the beginning of this article: You are her BEST friend. Obviously this comes with a lot of responsibility and baggage, but hey- you’re more willing than anyone. If she trusts you as much as you trust her there is only one option no matter what, when, or how long. You are her support – so support her, whatever it is that she does. Bottom line, this is her choice. Unless he really is harming her (in which case I would be enacting some Carrie Underwood “Before He Cheats” music video style revenge techniques) she needs you to be there for her.
Sources:
http://www.boyfriendboomerang.