So you’ve been hooking up with a new guy for the past couple of weeks, and you’re starting to get attached. Uh-oh. As females, we know our biggest downfall is getting attached to boys too quickly – it makes us vulnerable and, therefore, more likely to get hurt. Even after boys ‘later’ us time and time again, we continue to get attached pretty quickly … which too often chases them away. But hey! Don’t blame us – we really can’t help it.
Here’s a thought: before you begin to think about this boy as something more than a weekend hookup buddy, it might be a good idea to first find out if he feels the same way. How does one go about this feat? The answer is simple, right? Just ask him! You could say something like “Hey there, so are we exclusively hooking up?” or “Hey, I was just wondering if you were hooking up with anyone else … because I’m not and definitely don’t want to.”
Just kidding.
This approach is very, very wrong.
Not only will it be one of the most awkward conversations you could have with the new beau (or ever), but it’s also surely the quickest way to send him running for the hills and never come back. Newsflash: guys – especially college guys – are commitment-phobes. On the rare occasion that they do want to leave their singlehood and enter into the realm of exclusivity with one lucky lady, it must be their idea. So instead of waiting around for a conversation that will probably never happen (because entering into an exclusive relationship is something rarely actually discussed), here are some tips to help you figure it out for yourself!
[pagebreak]
Do: Play it cool. Let him think you’re perfectly content with how things are. You may actually be a nervous wreck, but he’s more likely to claim you as his own if he is under the impression that you have lots of other pickings to choose from and he just got lucky that you chose him.
Don’t: Tell everyone you know that you’re exclusive when you aren’t sure. People talk, and it will get back to him. And if he’s not on the same page as you, then the relationship is more or less doomed.
Do: Examine the evidence. How often does he text you? How often do you see him? Does he want to hang out sober? This is a sure-fire way to figure out his intentions. If he only seems to text you when he’s schwasted on a Saturday night, he’s probably not interested in anything serious, if he can even remember it at all …
Don’t: Take matters into your own hands. No, he’s not shy. He didn’t forget about you. He will contact you if he wants to see or talk to you. Of course, it’s okay to contact him first every so often, but you should really let him take the initiative most of the time. Don’t answer his texts as soon as you get them either … because then you’ll appear desperate. If you are calm, cool and under control, he will come to you!
[pagebreak]
Needless to say, if you’ve been hooking up on both Friday and Saturday of every weekend for at least three to four weeks, you’re probably exclusive. If the two of you hang out sober too, and he texts you frequently during the day, you’re almost definitely exclusive!
(However, take my advice with a grain of salt because douchebags will be douchebags …)
If he makes time for you (and it’s a significant amount of time), it’s unlikely that he is able and/or wants to spend that much time with another girl. If he doesn’t seem interested, don’t sweat it! You win some, you lose some. There are more than enough single boys at this school (and beyond)! Just remember that it’s his loss, and if he doesn’t think you’re the bomb.com, then he definitely isn’t worth it! But YOU are! Don’t worry: a guy will eventually come around that isn’t too blind to see that.