Seeing as the holidays are quickly approaching, some of you might be thinking about what you’ll be doing or who you’re planning on seeing once back home.
This includes ex-boyfriends.
For some of you, this may be something you’ve been looking forward to for a while. Maybe you just want to see how he’s doing. Maybe you’re curious about his current relationship status. Or maybe you’ve been hoping that the two of you will get back together.
For the rest of you, your ex is probably the last person on the planet you feel like running into. Maybe you had a bad breakup, and you literally hate his guts. Maybe he has a new girlfriend that airs on the skanky side, and the fact that you dated him is something that you’ve been trying to purge from everyone’s memory.
Whichever situation you’re in this break, here is some advice on how to deal with the beloved topic of ex-boyfriends and your almost inevitable encounters:
The situation: You both want to see each other, just to catch up because you are still friends.
This is great! This is probably the best encounter to have with the ex. Just be careful not to mention the new guy you’ve been hooking up with this semester, unless you guys are on that level. If you’re not, mentioning another guy could make him a little jealous, and tensions could rise. Also, be prepared: he might try to impress you by talking about all the girls that he ‘got with’ at school. Don’t let it phase you. He’s just doing it out of insecurity, and to be honest, most of whatever he is saying is probably exaggerated.
The situation: You want to see him, and maybe talk about getting back together, but you don’t know how he feels about it.
Sticky situation we have here. Personally, I would wait a couple days when getting home from break to see if he texted first. After a week, if there’s no text, then send him one about possibly meeting up. If he doesn’t seem too enthused, take the hint and move on. If he does seem interested, however, go ahead and see him – just don’t be too eager or too forward about your intentions. Read his vibe, and take it from there. If he wants to get back together, let him initiate that conversation. If you jump into the conversation too quickly or forcefully, trust me girls, he will back away.
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The situation: You both want to see each other because you both want to get back together.
Well, yay! How exciting! I don’t think either of you have anything to worry about, and you’ve probably been texting about it long before you read this article. When you do see him, don’t get to nervous, look really cute and I’m sure everything will be fine. Also, don’t be scared if he doesn’t ‘make a move’ right away. Guys get nervous too sometimes.
The situation: He wants to get back together, and you definitely don’t.
Awkward! Do you have to see him? Is there any way to avoid this hangout? Because trust me, if you know his intentions, and you’re seeing him just to ‘be nice,’ he will get the wrong impression, and you will be stuck in a very awkward situation.
If you find yourself facing a meet-up and want to let him down easy, here are some possible things to say:
1. “I’m just really not ready for a boyfriend right now. I’m really busy with school and don’t think I could be a good girlfriend.”
2. “I just don’t think long-distance relationships are a good idea. It would be really hard on both of us and make our college experiences a lot more difficult.”
3. “You are an amazing person, but things just aren’t how they used to be. I’m a different person now, and I’ve moved on.”
4. Say that you’ll think about it … leave … and then send a rejection text later. (JUST KIDDING, BAD IDEA!)
5. Tell him flat-out that he repulses you, that you wish you had never dated him and that there is no chance in h*ll the two of you will ever get back together. (JUST KIDDING, ANOTHER BAD IDEA!)
The situation: You run into him somewhere, maybe a party, and he’s ignoring you and being a jerk.
Well then, don’t give him the time of day. Don’t use this as an excuse to b*tch him out or talk badly about him to all your friends at the party in hopes that he hears. Ignore him. Act as if you hardly notice his presence, and you are having the best time of your life at that party, without him. Trust me, it will get to him.
Note to the wise: Don’t randomly hook up with someone to make him jealous. You’ll end up feeling silly or stupid, and he will lose respect for you.
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The situation: You run into him with a new girlfriend, and you do not like her … at all.
Really awkward situation #2. Remember, you are prettier than her. I don’t care what she looks like. You are definitely prettier than her. And nicer. And smarter. And a much better girlfriend. And you are not the least bit offended that he has a new girlfriend, and you are still single (as far as he knows). You are so happy for him & so over him! And even if you don’t, pretend to like the new girlfriend (at least in their presence) because remember: you are the perfect, non-jealous, all-loving ex-girlfriend. Not a threat to her. So she will end up thinking that you’re super sweet (which most likely you are), and he will end up wondering how he ever let you go.
These are just a few situations and ways to handle them I’ve given you in hopes that they will guide how you approach seeing the ex over Christmas break! Of course, there are others I haven’t mentioned, but these are the big ones. Just remember the golden rule: Don’t let him have the power; hold it yourself. He’ll only upset you if let him!
Have a happy holiday break, everyone, and all the best luck in your ex-boyfriend endeavors!
*Photography for Lauren Lukacsko