Welcome Back, My Old Friend

I looked at the pavement while walking to school, feeling the endless rush of people walking fast since they were already late for their class. I tried to look at the faces that passed me, but I knew I didn’t want to see. Also, I didn’t want them to see me. Wait, what was wrong with me? I liked saying “Hi” to people, and knowing that they acknowledged my slight wave, but what was so wrong about this day?  

The sky turned grey and a shiver ran down my spine; soon enough, raindrops started falling. “Oh no” I muttered, as I started to walk fast since I didn’t bring my umbrella. “Why did the sky choose to cry today”, I said as I rush to my classroom.

Photo by Tookapic from Pexels

The first few minutes into class, no matter how hard I concentrated and no matter how many times I wrote the words again on pieces of paper, I couldn’t comprehend the lesson. “This is gonna be a long day” I said to myself.

I go to the train station, looking at the gray skies and I saw someone I knew, but I couldn’t say “Hi”. What was wrong with me, it’s just a mere “Hi”.

I rode the train, thinking of reasons why this day was much more complicated than it needed to be, and then I stare blankly at a vending machine, wondering why this place looked familiar. I heard my train stop echoing in my ears and then I hurriedly jump out before the doors closed. Why did I suddenly zone out? Was I thinking about something? Why did it seem like I was thinking about nothing?

I arrived at my workplace and did the same job, looking at the clock every 5 minutes to see if it’s already time. “Wow, I actually hate this job”, I suddenly thought to myself. I didn’t have anything to do today, and my coworkers also knew, so they gave me an N5 book to study Japanese to waste time, but why did they give me this book?

“There’s nothing wrong in studying with the basics again”, they said, but why did I suddenly feel like I was being called out for being insufficient…

Wait, what was happening? Why did the sky suddenly cry again, and why did my mouth clamp shut, and my ears stop working? Suddenly, all I could hear was “stop doing this”, “stop doing that”, “don’t you understand?”, “are you stupid?”. Everything turned gray and I couldn’t do anything about it.

Photo from Pixabay

Time was already up and I left quickly, hiding my face because I felt my eyes starting to water. It’s a good thing the cold breeze made it feel like I was catching a cold. 

I went home and rode the train. Wait, did it come back again? When did it come back? I thought everything was okay, but…

Was it there all the time?

Now I stare at my computer, mindlessly watching videos on Youtube. “Welcome back, my old friend”, I mutter, as I watch more videos of sad stories on Youtube.

Now the day has ended, the sky has officially turned black. Tomorrow’s another day, I swear it won’t come back. I stare at this computer screen right now typing this long essay, but I hope you guys remember that there will be another day. 

Photo by Bob Clark from Pexels

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• friend
• mental health
• Today