Since I was in early high school, I’ve had my life plan pretty much figured out: I’d go to college and major in English or Political Science, then go straight to law school and be established in my career by the time I’m 30. At some point during all of that, I’d find the love of my life and get married, maybe have a kid or two, and generally be on what I thought was the “right” path. And for the most part, I’ve been well on my way down that path (minus the love of my life part).
Something about starting my junior year made everything I thought I was sure of seem suddenly confusing. Maybe it was the pandemic forcing me to live at home this year and taking away many of the activities that I’m involved in on campus, maybe it’s the fact that my classes are getting harder and harder and I find myself struggling to keep my grades up for the first time in my life, or maybe it was going through a tough breakup in the middle of it all. All of a sudden I started doubting myself at every turn. I completely convinced myself that my grades aren’t good enough for law school and that I haven’t involved myself in enough student organizations and that I will never find a decent job as an English major. At a certain point, I even doubted my ability to finish this semester with passing grades. I didn’t know what to do except continue to freak out about every little mistake until I was in a full spiral that lasted for weeks.
While it’s a lot easier said than done, allowing yourself to get sucked into a negative mindset like that only makes things worse for you and makes it more likely that you will fail to reach your goals. So how did I break out of this funk that I found myself in a few months ago? I started having dance parties in front of my mirror every morning. Yes, you read that right. I saw one of my favorite TikTokers doing it and decided to try it even though I felt like a total dork at first. Now, I always start my morning jamming out to my favorite music to pump myself up for a productive day. Then I look in the mirror and literally tell myself that I am going to have a great day and that I am more than good enough to achieve the things I want in life. It really does work, because half the battle is being confident in yourself and your abilities. What I ultimately had to learn is that I can’t impress anyone, including law school admissions boards and future employers, if I don’t genuinely believe that the things I have already done are impressive. Ultimately, I had to force myself to be appreciative of the small moments every day and the people around me that make me happy. What’s the point of sitting around waiting for the “good things” in life to come when good things happen all the time when you are paying attention?
This doesn’t mean I have everything figured out. Actually, I have given myself a lot more flexibility in recent months to change my mind about activities that I no longer want to give time to and the fact that my career probably won’t be as linear as I thought. I have an internship for the summer in a completely different industry than what I currently want to do, and if I end up loving it in the way I think I might I will have to adjust my plan. I now think I
might take some time off before law school to make sure that it is really what I want to do, and might go straight to working for a few years. Or I’ll go straight to law school but pursue a different type of law than what I’ve always envisioned myself doing. Or maybe I’ll just keep chugging along and things will happen to work out the way that I planned. Whatever happens, the important thing I’ve learned is that it is completely NOT helpful to spend time and mental energy worrying about things in the future that are outside of my control.