I met her when I was only 4 years old. In fact, she was the first friend I made when I moved to Sammamish, Washington. I met her literally within hours of moving into my childhood home, and for the next 12 years were were inseparable.
Growing up we sat together on the school bus, attended every single birthday party, had a countless number of sleepovers and playdates. We saw each other daily; there wasn’t a soul who didn’t know we were BFFs. We attended concerts together, revealed secrets to each other, we could be vulnerable with one another.
Then my senior year of high school hit and things began to change. I started to have this unsettling feeling that I was giving far more in this relationship than I was receiving. She talked a big game in public about being my best friend, about working so hard for me, about doing so much for me—but I never saw this in my own life. She convinced all my friends that she was almost solely responsible for a surprise party that she didn’t plan. Expectations were built around this insane birthday gift she was making for me which I never recieved. I would go out of my way to gift her things, and support her, and be there for her —with little support in return.
My mental health began to spiral. The constant wave of everyone telling me how amazing this girl was for me, contrasted by the lack of attention and affection I actually received, put me in a very weird place.
I began to grow increasingly upset, until I moved to the University of Washington. I graduated a year before her, so for an entire year I got to explore myself and my social behaviors outside of this one friendship I was being held to in high school. Being separated from many of my high school friends taught me a lot about maintenance, and how friendship is a two way street. I learned to value those who have chosen to stay in my life even when we don’t see each other everyday anymore, and it made me realize how I much was being taken for granted. This relationship was simply no longer worth the stress, so I let it go.
Once I stopped trying, it was evident how little I mattered to her. In an entire school year apart she reached out two or three times. We got coffee once.
You can imagine how easy it is to move on after this. How easy it is to move on from someone who gives your relationship no care, no attention. How simple it is to stop caring, when you realize that you are very much “out of sight, out of mind” to someone else.
I won’t deny that we were once very close, and she was once very good to me. I won’t forget the good times we had and the moments we shared growing up—it certainly made my childhood all the more colorful. Regardless, it was about time I realized we were childhood best friends, but we are no longer children.
This sounds like a sad story but I promise you it isn’t! I’ve changed for the better because of this experience. I’ve learned to value my relationships, to care for them, to identify when someone else is giving just as much as I am. I’ve learned to navigate different levels of emotional intimacy and investment, to be okay having close and trusted friends I speak to a few times a month. I’ve realized how many people like me for who I am, without me needing to go above and beyond for them. I haven’t had to “prove” anything and it’s relieving—it’s given me a peace of mind and has made the college experience all the more pleasant.