Dear Abby,
Hey! This is 18 year old you, writing from our freshman year of University. I’ll answer the burning question for you– unfortunately, we are single…but don’t worry, we did have a relationship! And maybe a situationship or two since then.
Love life aside, here’s what has gone down: we aren’t blonde anymore, we ended up quitting high school basketball, we got into some really good colleges, and we graduated! There’s been a lot of excitement and a lot of tough lessons along the way, but the most important thing you need to remember is that we made it.
Here’s what I have to say after the past four years:
Quit taking yourself so seriously. You know all those cringe sayings people have? “You only live once,” “stop and smell the roses,” “oh to be young again,”…yeah, they weren’t joking. I know you and I know you like to hold yourself to high standards and work to impress, but at the end of the day, stressing yourself out over having a great image doesn’t make fond memories. Spoiler alert, our dream of becoming Student Body President? That didn’t happen, and we didn’t take it like a champ. When I look back on high school, even though it is still pretty fresh, I really wish we just had more fun. Don’t worry, I’ve definitely made up for that lack of fun, but you need to choose making memories over what looks good on paper.
It’s ok to be selfish. You are going to hear from our parents a lot that you are too selfish. And to an extent that is true. In our house, you tend to be selfish, but I truly believe it is because you are selfless everywhere else. Our sophomore year we had our first panic attack because we didn’t speak up and ask for a break. After that moment, our mental health wasn’t the best for a bit. We struggled keeping friends and having people to confide in. Eventually we found our groove again, but it was pretty dark for a while. Remember how I mentioned that we quit basketball? That was a choice we made for our mental health, and while I still do sometimes regret quitting, it was the right choice. Try to remember that the world doesn’t revolve around you, and Earth will keep spinning if you stop and take a breather every once in a while.
Just do it. There’s one specific moment I’m thinking of as I write this. Our junior year, we had a date to prom, and it was a boy we liked freshman year…I think you’ll catch on here. Once the dance ended and we headed home, he wanted to spend some more time together and we said no because we had a basketball game the next morning. WE ARE SO DUMB. TO THIS DAY I regret saying no, because who knows where that night could have gone! Some of our best memories happened spontaneously (like jumping into the ocean off of Lido Isle; I still want to go do that again) so be more spontaneous. Please.
Don’t put your time in the hands of the unworthy. We spent way too much time in high school with people who we didn’t enjoy being with, and people who didn’t support us. They didn’t deserve our own time or attention and part of it is our fault for not recognizing that and taking our friendship elsewhere. Simply put: don’t continue trying to be friends with the people who talk behind your back! And don’t give second chances, either. Trust our judgement. If you don’t think being friends with someone is a good idea, then don’t give them the time of day! Learn our worth-because we have a lot-and use it to form supportive and healthy friendships.
I spoiled quite a bit for you. I know high school is scary and undoubtedly difficult, but take it from future-you: you’ll be fine. A tear (or two (or three(or four))) along the way, but fine!
XOXO,
Abby