I always hated the town I grew up in.Â
Maybe it was the people or the isolation, or maybe everyone feels that way about their childhood hometowns. I lived in the valley below Mount Rainier. A town small enough that it would take you (at the most) 10 minutes to see everything you needed to see. When my family and I first moved there, the population was around 2,000 but now it stands closer to 9,000. Every teenager’s coming-of-age story starts with endlessly driving on the same roads you’ve known your whole life. Along with sneaking out a random window just so you can avoid the Ring doorbell from catching you.
For some reason, no matter how much I hated this town, deep down I was afraid of leaving. Even though I didn’t want to stay, I was comfortable and leaving meant leaving a place of familiarity. That’s when I knew I needed to leave.
You need to leave your small hometown.
For a really long time, I stayed because of old friends, I wanted to be a kid. And I was scared if I left, I never would live my life like that ever again. And I never did, but I think that’s okay.
I first moved out at the peak of Covid in 2020, well kind of. My family warned me that it was a bad financial decision, they were right though. My parents didn’t help pay for on-campus housing, so I really had to figure things out on my own and I did. I was in a weird place of limbo at that time because I was living on campus with zero parental supervision, but I was still dependent on my parents. At that point though, I was angry, rebellious, and reckless but I didn’t care.
I’ve grown and learned a lot since then, but I officially moved out of my childhood home at 19. I knew I wanted to have an apartment to myself, but the only place I could afford was a 288 sq ft. mini studio that was $1000 a month. I didn’t even have a kitchen in the unit, but it was enough for me. The first couple of months on my own felt lonely, I went from being in a house that was filled with people to a small apartment by myself. There were many times when I was struggling emotionally, mentally, and financially. It felt like I kept getting hit with a new problem every other day, and it got to a point where I just felt stuck. I was doubting my career path and if I was doing the right thing. But, through all of that, I learned how to be independent and embrace that. It was hard but I wanted to make sure that I could survive on my own. I wanted to make sure that I would be okay, and I was.Â
As time went on, I was spending a lot of time with myself and realized I carried a lot of negativity with me. By that, I mean I felt like I was a nice kid growing up but I was angry constantly. Whether that was with myself or someone’s actions that I didn’t agree with or whenever someone didn’t communicate their anger with me. I never knew how to settle the shaking in my hands from getting into heated conversations. It came to a point where I was relearning the meaning of kindness and letting go. One of the hardest things growing up is recognizing that you carry bad habits and behaviors. I just knew that I needed to let being angry go. I didn’t want to be angry constantly or irritated over the smallest things. Leaving my small hometown taught me a different version of myself. I began to understand and see that everyone has their own issues, and sometimes it’s okay to just not engage in heated conversations. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t stand up for yourself if someone is treating you unfairly, but it’s a reminder to just pick and choose your own battles.
My life has grown softer ever since I left that town. My relationships with people have gotten better. I grew kinder to both the situations around me and to myself. Sometimes you need a little time to yourself to recognize you deserve love and kindness, no questions asked. You deserve to eat dessert for breakfast, to sleep in all day, and do whatever fills you with joy. It is okay to self-indulge every once in a while.Â
The number one thing that leaving has taught me is that regardless of the decisions I have made, I do not regret a single one. I believe I am the accumulation of all the decisions I have made in my life. I don’t feel ashamed of who I’ve grown to be, so I shouldn’t be ashamed of my past self. I have grown unabashed in my expressions of love and how I choose to communicate with loved ones. Leaving my small hometown taught me that there are endless versions of yourself that you haven’t met, so go ahead and find them.