Ever since I was a toddler and could understand others’ actions and words, I have been the most sensitive person I know. If anyone raised their voice at me, excluded me from conversations, or even so much as used a questionable tone of voice toward me, I would cry (usually later, after the fact, when I was alone) and tear myself down, thinking their behavior was a direct reflection of my character. Once, as a 7-year-old, I was told by a lifeguard not to grab an inner tube and I went home and cried about it, genuinely hurt. Furthermore, people’s attitudes and moods (whether they actually say anything or not) deeply affect my own mood. I wish I wasn’t like this but unfortunately I can’t help it.
Before I ever began school at the University of Washington, I had heard rumors of the unhelpful staff and competitive atmosphere. Every single alumni I talked to said they didn’t miss their college experience (or lack thereof) at UW whatsoever and wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. This scared me and caused me to expect the worst.
My freshman year started off better than I expected and was quite nice. However, as time went on, I began to understand what the alumni meant.
Attending UW has made my already-bad chronic anxiety so much worse. Ever since mid-freshman year, I become so physically sick on test days that I cannot eat or drink for the entire day of an exam (after as well as before).
As someone who’s struggled to make close friends my entire life, I’ve found it even harder to become friends with other UW students. Many individuals I have met here have a condescending manner and are quick to judge. And even those who are kind often do not want to be friends outside of class. The amount of times I’ve had crying spells over people’s callousness at UW is astounding. As if the courses here weren’t difficult enough, the cold atmosphere increase daily challenges tenfold.
There have been countless times where I was hysterical and inconsolable with my heart set on transferring to another school.
Something that often seems overlooked is the sheer PRIVILEGE that many of the students and professors, but especially the professors, possess. Many professors come from a place of lifelong privilege and have an impossible time relating to low-income students and may view any academic shortcomings as a flaw in their intellect rather than a lack of quality education in public school. As Van Gogh once said, “poverty stops the best minds in their tracks,” meaning so many wonderful artists go undiscovered due to a lack of funds, while talentless nepotism children dominate. This logic is applicable in academic settings as well. Every STEM professor I’ve had has emphasized the importance of not working and have pulled up graphs showing gradual GPA decline as hours of work increase. This seemed extremely insensitive to me and might have made those who must work at least part time to support themselves unnecessarily feel bad. Some of the professors here are the most heartless adults I have ever met. They often grade with bias and favoritism, tell students they shouldn’t work during the quarter (even if they truly need to), and expect students to devote all of their free time to their class and their class only.
One professor, who taught my lab course, asked people in the class to raise their hands if they had done a separation of pigment experiment in high school – only about half of the class raised their hands. He then said “pfffttt well I can’t imagine what the rest of you were doing in high school chemistry…it’s a pretty easy experiment.” The fact that he can say this from such a place of privilege irritated me at the time as much as it does now. He did not have the capacity to fathom that some people may not have attended high schools that even offered a chemistry class, let alone one in which students could actively participate in experiments.
With all of these frustrations, I often wonder why I remain a student at UW. I try to remind myself of the positives and the wonderful parts about being a student here. I simply wish the hostile environment would change.