My Reflection since March 2020

It has officially been three years since Friday, March 13th, 2020.

The date for students everywhere signifying the beginning of the end. The start of hopelessness and fear, solidarity and resilience. Not only have we experienced the back and forth of our nation’s COVID policies, but we have had to live through our coming-of-age years in “remote learning” or “socially distanced.” Individually, we are each due for a reflection on how far we have come.

I remember the dysfunctional mess of my first Zoom class that following week – people scrambling to figure out how to exist in uncertainty. Somehow the history presentation I was stressing about for the previous month did not seem as important anymore. 

I remember balancing the weird transition from normalcy to chaos as an essential worker, and becoming the scapegoat for the built-up resentment that was lingering in society. Being barely seventeen years old and having to muster up conversation with a customer after being scolded by another become a normal facet of this chaos.

I remember finding some really good (and really bad) coping mechanisms to living in the unknown. Even today, these habits have formed passions and interests that have stuck with me.  

I remember coming back to school for graduation and realizing how much I had outgrown my hometown, and how my sense of belonging and identity had transformed beyond just the suburbs of San Francisco.  

2020 and 2023 Maggie are very, very different people. I would not recognize myself today if I knew me then. Like most people, social isolation made me re-examine my values and where I decided to give my energy. I became much more confident once I learned how to set boundaries, protect the healthy, uplifting relationships in my life, and (attempt to) let go of things I cannot control.  

I wish I could tell myself then that everything works out.  I wish I could tell myself to not feel guilty for being alone and not living up to the teenage years that younger me dreamt about. I wish I could show myself how much progress I have made the past three years in every corner of my life. Here are a few of those things, maybe some you can even relate to:

• I started waking up at 4:30 a.m. my senior year for what I thought would just be a part-time summer job. Did not expect that.
• Lifting and the gym became a personality trait. I could have expected that one.
• I switched career plans no less than a dozen times. Neuroscience, biology, data science, environmental science, you name it. I have finally settled on public health.
• I am currently in Seattle and attending my top college choice. I met and now live with the most secure group of girlfriends I have ever had.  
• I became a tour guide for said dream school and ran their Instagram account for the day. I get paid to talk.  
• With that, I discovered that I am an outgoing introvert. I was still unbelievably quiet in 2020 and just cracking out of my shell as the pandemic shut everything down.  
• I grew two inches in college. Sleep gets all the credit here. 
• I discovered the benefits of having a “treat yourself” attitude. I cannot be miserable if I am holding coffee in my hand.
• I learned how free I felt visiting new cities whenever possible and checking in on long-distance friends.
• I started choosing quality over quantity.  
• I became more educated and impassioned about social justice issues, especially Black Lives Matter, reproductive rights, and our shared impact on the environment.  
• 30 seconds of courage – this is the mindset I picked up recently whenever I felt that my fears were bigger than the next step of my goal. With doing so, the number of really cool opportunities I have been able to experience outnumber any rejections I have received.  
• I began actually celebrating my accomplishments instead of keeping it to myself. I created a support system that is genuinely proud of me always.
• Lastly, I remind myself daily of two motivational sayings:
  • The sun will keep rising and the sun will keep setting regardless of the outcome of your day.
  • Hard work really does pay off, even if it takes a while to tangibly see. 

My go-to pastime is looking back at the photos and memories over the past three years and reliving the emotions.  To see the smile and glow come back into my face that I was lacking for too many years is something I hold sacred to me. Even though we could not foresee the unfavorable circumstances which the pandemic produced, today we can look forward and see the light at the end of the tunnel. We have come out the other side stronger and wiser, willing to take more risks and create a life a worth remembering.

• comingofage
• covid
• Experiences
• looking back
• selfreflection