Content Warning: This piece discusses sensitive issues regarding eating disorders. Proceed with discretion.
As many young women can likely relate, growing up and going through middle and high school took a considerable toll on my relationship with food, as well as my body. With much of the media I was consuming showing only a certain, ‘mainstream’ body type, I had learned to compare myself harshly to those women I admired, along with the people around me who fit that ideal from an early age. While I wish I was able to simply train myself not to do this, as some people, including my family, would advise, it is much easier said than done. On top of that, middle school-aged boys can be very cruel, and the bullying I received for looking different certainly did not ease my toxic mindset around self-image. These relentless comparisons and fears of being made fun of for the way I looked unfortunately culminated later on in a restrictive eating disorder, where my relationship with food was immensely damaged. Clearly, that way of living was not at all sustainable, and since hitting a point of rock bottom with my self-worth and fear of nourishing my body, I have slowly been trying to regain a healthy view of myself, of nutrition, and to build new healthy habits. Being at peace with our minds and bodies is ultimately the end goal for everyone, and though this process has been incredibly difficult at times, it has also been very rewarding in knowing that progress is being made.
Recovering from an eating disorder is a non-linear process in its ability to make you second-guess your decisions and mindset around food and your body. There have been many times in the past couple of years when I have felt the urge to abandon all of my progress and return to my old harmful ways because, at points where stress is high and the feeling of being out of control arises, the disordered mind tends to cling to such bad habits. However, I am here to say that although the negative voice in your head may tell you that doing what your body needs for fuel and happiness is wrong, it’s important to try to ignore it and know that your best body is the one that is properly taken care of. It is perfectly okay and encouraged to indulge in your favorite foods regardless of the time of day or any guilt you may feel about the days before; as long as you feel good about the food you eat, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Of course, food guilt and self-consciousness are sadly something that many of us deal with regularly, no matter which stage of the recovery process we are in. All we can do is make efforts to be nice to ourselves and practice food freedom as much as possible. Since diving into the practice of food freedom and working to abandon my previous unhealthy mindset around diet and exercise, I have gained much more happiness and appreciation for life. I don’t fear going out to eat with my friends and family; these outings bring me so much joy! I am grateful for my resilience in healing because now I look at food as both energy and satisfaction, and exercise as what makes me feel strong. The main idea of this piece is to let anyone who may be struggling with issues similar to the ones mentioned that you are not alone and that you deserve to accept yourself. If there’s one key takeaway from this, it’s that you should go satisfy that craving, go out to eat with a loved one, or try your hand at an extravagant new recipe. Life is much more worth living when eating all of your favorite foods isn’t a problem.