Your insides are boiling. We all have had situations where we want to give someone constructive criticism. Yet, you can’t because you’re afraid! You think you will come off as being blunt or rude and may ruin a relationship – whether they are your friend, co-worker, or classmate. But the more and more you suppress, the more it stresses you out. You either:
- Talk shit about them to others, which ruins your character and also your relationship with that person.
- Explode at them, which ruins your relationship with that person
- Turn passive-aggressive, which ruins your relationship with that person.
Do you notice a pattern? Not giving them constructive criticism will inevitably damage your relationship. In addition, you’re preventing your team’s success! Suppose you are teaching a group of kids and your co-teacher isn’t firm or strict with them. Not confronting them about this issue can create additional problems such as your students misbehaving due to the lack of assertiveness or you enduring stress to accommodate for it.
Ultimately, we can provide constructive criticism without harming the overall relationship! Try using the hamburger style!
- Start the conversation with a positive note, such as identifying positive traits of their performance or personality.
- State the criticism and why it’s impacting the project, as most people would change their actions if they found out how severe their effects were.
- State ways to improve their performance. One of the reasons why we dislike criticism is that we feel it is attacking us. However, stating ways to improve indicates that you are saying it for their personal well being or growth. You demonstrate that you have good intentions and don’t want to attack them!
- End the conversation with a positive note as well, emphasizing other positive traits of their performance or personality. When we hear criticism, we typically feel worse about ourselves. By highlighting someone’s best traits, you can heighten their confidence!
Going back to the previous example, how would you apply this method? You would say:
- You’re doing a good job and our students really love your kind and caring nature!
- But I feel you should be more assertive. If you aren’t strict enough our students will continue to misbehave.
- You can become more assertive by changing up your tone and body language.
- Regardless, I think you’re a very good teacher and I’m glad I’m working with you. Please try out these strategies, it will definitely help you out!
Using this strategy can help you have more peaceful relationships and successful outcomes!