No Judgement Zone: Five Things I Wish I Could Say To My Ex-BFFs

Before you read this article, please understand that this article is personal.

Not all friendships last forever. Some are put in your life to stay and others are present to teach you a lesson. As bittersweet as it seems, a bad experience often teaches you lessons about who you are and what you want. For this reason, I dedicate this lesson to my ex-BFFs.

1. I wish I hadn’t lied for you.

There were others (ex. parents) who I should have known loved and cared for me, and actually had my best interest at heart. I thank my mother for showing me what a friend is supposed to be. Tip: When in doubt, ask your mother. She’s already been through everything we’re going through now.

2. I wish I had stood strong in my opinion, rather than trust others who didn’t have my best intention at heart.

I was watching The Experimenter on Netflix last night. The movie highlighted the effects of authority, as well as how opinions change based on the larger group’s opinions. Though it tends to be human nature not to be able to break away from the influence of group opinion, being part of a social group had made me pay attention to whether I am being fair to myself.

3. I regret lying to you.

I owe you nothing. But, by lying to you, I wasn’t being fair to myself. I was enough, and I didn’t believe in myself as much as I should have. As teenagers, we’re often questioning everything around us, and we tend to think our friends have all the answers.

We lie to others to fit in.

We lie to others when we’re embarrassed.

We lie to others when we feel threatened.

We lie to others to be liked.

Tip: If you ever feel the need to lie to a close friend, you need to question the foundation of your friendship.

4. Thank you for teaching me the meaning of friendship, by showing me what friendship is not.

When trust, compassion, openness, honesty, and security are missing, you need to re-evaluate. I remember watching a girl kick another girl out of the group in front of everyone. I wish I had stood up for her, but, like some others in the group, I feared I’d be the next one to get kicked out. Sleepless nights worrying about whether someone I consider a friend is a really a friend to me are not worth it. If you have to question it, you need to end it.

5. I hold no grudges against you, and I’m done playing games.

If I say “hi” to you when I run into you, I mean “hi.” It does not mean I’ll gossip about you later.

If I compliment you on a sweater, I mean it. We’re out of high-school, and life is not Mean Girls.

I’m done and I sincerely wish you all, the best.

Picture Credits:

Cover Photo, Picture 1, Picture 2, Picture 3, Picture 4, Picture 5 

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• friendship
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