Today, Nobody is in Love With Me

some people carry around small pieces of everyone they have loved. 

even after they put the love down, 

even after they apologize- and apologize 

that song they listened to on repeat that snow day,

favorite meals their mom cooked,

shoe sizes?

I never bought you shoes; why do I remember that

we place stones in our palms and pretend they’re the claps of rain against the roof 

I drop you like water

did you hit the floor

or hit me instead

I don’t remember your middle name. 

I don’t remember why that bandana is lucky,

or what movie is your favorite

today I’m not carrying that. 

today nobody is in love with me and everything is still warm. 

I still get to smile my big smile and double over in laughter 

I get to walk outside and hear the leaves crunch beneath my feet. 

I don’t even have to pretend they’re you

today there’s still honey to put on bagels. 

there’s a speaker that plays our music

and there’s a dock we drag our toes from. 

today I hold hands with the women I soak up

the bright red lips and the soft sweatpants 

the short chopped up hair and the mismatched socks 

the women I feel God’s work through and the women I stand behind and next to and

today the stones don’t hit the floor and they don’t hit me and they aren’t stones. 

I think it’s going to be okay and 

today I woke up and the birds didn’t chirp for me but I still got to sit in the nosebleeds and listen.

• friendship
• life
• poem