Although I may not be an 82 year old grandparent with hundreds of “back in my day…” stories; I am a young, brown girl raised by immigrant parents in a predominantly white community who is simply trying to live a meaningful life. Considering this and 19 years of life, which involved both lows and highs, I have acquired different pieces of knowledge along the way. In honor of my 20th birthday (#scorpioszn!), here are 20 lessons that I have learned before my 20s.
- Teenage boys do not determine your worth.
Simple as that. The only opinion that matters is yours (and you better think highly of yourself because look at you!!!).
- Romanticize your life.
I think we can all agree that life sucks sometimes – It can be hard AF! It is unrealistic for me to tell you to forget about your work and go to Turks & Caicos for the weekend. Instead, I recommend romanticizing your life, whatever you are doing and wherever you are. As a college student, I am overloaded with assignments and involvements which only increases my stress levels. So, I like doing work in cute cafes, sipping on my drink while listening to french music that helps me focus and just romanticizing my life. Even if you aren’t stressed, you can always adopt this mindset. If I have some time to relax, I will take my picnic blanket outside and read under a tree while munching on delicious fresh berries. Make life more beautiful and enjoyable by creating a peaceful and ideal environment.
- Crying is okay.
Crying is a reaction to events and situations in our life; so let yourself feel and let the tears flow baby.
- No regrets for passion purchases!
Passion purchases: any purchases that involve your passions. If you are passionate about music, buy your dream concert ticket. If you love food like I do, buy your comfort food after a busy week. If spring break is around the corner, buy the plane ticket for your dream vacation. These are the only purchases I will never regret because they involve our greatest passions which influence your experiences and identity.
- It is okay to ask for help.
Sometimes I am afraid to ask for help because I strive to be independent or do not want to be a burden to others. If you feel similar, I want to remind you that it is okay to ask for help. First, you can still be independent and ask for support. The purpose of a support system is to create hope for a challenging situation. This takes me to my next point, you are not a burden. A true support system will make you feel hopeful and loved, but never like you are too much.
- Never say no to sweet treats!
Always indulge in a sweet treat, whether it is a juicy watermelon or cookies & cream ice cream, no matter the time or day.
- Take care of yourself.
Show yourself some love; whether it is buying yourself a bouquet of flowers or getting a mani/pedi. It can be simple, as long as you make time to maintain a relationship with yourself. One of my friends adds “self care” to their calendar. This holds them accountable; for example, if they are not able to engage in self love in the moment, then they can snooze it and set a reminder for themselves.
- Cash isn’t real.
As you can see, I am a spending queen; a nationally recognized spending machine (ok rhyme!). I am a broke college student. I have three jobs, yet I never seem to have money to spend. This is very challenging for a nationally recognized spending machine; so my greatest piece of advice is use cash. There is no accountability. No bank statements that will remind you about your spending habits. Cash isn’t real, it doesn’t exist. So shop ‘til you drop using cash!
- Find a comfort show or movie!
This is a necessity because it acts as an escape from the chaotic world around us. My comfort show is Gilmore Girls, and my comfort movie is My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Get cozy, turn on your show/movie, and enjoy your relaxation.
- Spotify>>>
Let me save you the time (and embarrassment), use Spotify. It supports small artists and offers more social features (for example, you can join a group listening session with your friends).
- There is no such thing as loving too hard.
I have been hurt in the past, so I tend to close myself off from the potential of love. This is something I am working on because I want to allow myself to fully love someone and experience another love. I am a lover girl. Whether it’s platonic or romantic, I will always put my all into every relationship I am part of. If someone hurt you in the past, that is their loss. Do not let them steal your willingness to love and be loved by new people.
- Maintain a 1-Step Morning Routine
It is very easy for me to create routines; however, I struggle to maintain and stick to the routine. Sometimes I lack the energy and ability to do a difficult or time-consuming task. So, I engage in short tasks that may not require much energy from me. If I am able to complete my 1-step morning routine, I will feel accomplished which enhances my mood, starting my day on the right note. My 1-step morning routine is opening the blinds; others may be making the bed or watering plants. Just a quick side note: if you are not able to complete the 1-step routine one day, that is okay! you woke up in the morning, which is what matters.
- “Floor time” after a long day
There are three steps to this process: drop anything that you are carrying (ex. a backpack) on the ground, find a comfy spot on the ground, and curl into a ball. I promise you, floor time is a healing experience. I don’t know the psychology behind it; but it grounds me and comforts me.
- Go-to drink
If you are on a coffee date, or need some energy after a long day it is essential to have a go-to drink. This drink can be anything as long as your love for it is timeless. I love chai, so my drink of choice ranges from Iced Pumpkin Cream Chai Tea Latte from Starbucks or a hot spicy chai on a cold day.
- Some relationships are forever, and others are seasonal (a lesson taught by sweet mother)
This is a lesson that has taken me a while to understand, and is something I still constantly remind myself about. Letting go is very challenging; however, it is important to let go of relationships that no longer serve or benefit you. It is important to allow yourself to walk away and move forward because you deserve to be loved by people who make you feel enough. Every individual in your life, whether they are “a forever” or “a season”, entered your life with a purpose and reason. So, know that some people are seasonal and can only teach you so much until it’s time to let them go.
- Find a skincare routine
Creating a skincare routine can be a challenging process because everyone has a different skin type. However, it is incredibly important to find skincare products to stay hygienic, moisturized, and glowing. As someone with dry skin, I use CeraVe Hydrating Cleanser, Naturium Niacinamide Face Serum 12% Plus Zinc 2%, and Vanicream Daily Facial Moisturizer. Here’s a tip: do not harshly rub downwards to prevent early wrinkles; instead, gently rub the product in a circular motion.
- Always have the essentials with you!
My essentials are: aquaphor, 5 Gum in Peppermint, a hair tie and an emergency tampon (for you or a random girly that may need one). As long as I have these 4 items, I am ready to go on any adventure.
- Find your staple accessory (jewelry or bandanas or hats)
This accessory can be anything that adds to your character and makes you feel your best! It can range from jewelry, hair accents, bandanas, or a baseball hat. My staple accessory is jewelry, specifically rings and earrings. They determine my confidence level and how my day goes. If I am not wearing either, I feel naked and most likely will not be having a good day (so stay away).
- Build a capsule wardrobe
I am a certified shop-aholic; diagnosed by my banker and father. If you want to spend money, take me with you because I will support any of your shopping choices and desires. Retail therapy is real (until I check my credit card statement, then it becomes a little less therapeutic but #noregrets). I am a basic-pieces enthusiast because they will never go out of style. Your style may change, but your basics are forever; therefore, they are the foundation to any wardrobe closet. In order to create a capsule wardrobe, you should own 10-15 basic pieces that fit into two categories: (1) timeless (2) good quality.
- Be kind.
I understand that this lesson may seem unnecessary; but it is important to be intentional with your kindness. It can be as simple as saying hello/thank you to the custodial staff or complimenting someone’s outfit. Although this may seem like small actions, they can create a large and lasting impact on someone’s life. You never know what someone is going through, and your “small act of kindness” can make their day brighter. Currently I am a student teaching, and my host teacher has taught the student certain fill-in-the-blank phrases. Every morning, she says, “if you are kind and polite…” in which the students reply, “…the world will be right.”
Anyway, I wish you much luck! Remember to be patient with yourself because this is your first time experiencing this idea we call “life”. The lows, highs, happiness, and sadness cultivate a variety of experiences which add to the grand scheme of life.
I know you can do this, so keep going! Trust me, I know what I’m talking about; I am 20 years old now.
