English Major Reflection
By: Rachael Weiser
Demi Lovato’s song, “Dancing With The Devil”, reminds us, human beings, that when you tell yourself lies, the lies control your life, until you no longer have control over your life.
It is very important to be honest with yourself in your life because that honesty will allow you to make decisions that lead you to the best outcomes.Â
I spent two years lying to myself that I found my education classes stimulating and invigorating. In reality, memorizing the terminology for education caused me migraines that would radiate throughout my head and spine. Each word was tedious to read through, causing my heart to beat with agitation. My hands would clamp up in tense knots that would cause my hands to become tight with spasms. I was desperate to escape into a world where words shine like embers, construct words together like a string that cannot break but can twist into different shapes.Â
Stories can be told in many different ways depending on who the speaker is and when you meet each storyteller. Even the stories you believe are accurate are being told from a specific angle, and the rest of their angles are hidden from view. This is why all completed puzzles have cracks and can have one puzzle piece taken out, and replaced with the wrong puzzle piece that looks like it fits but is slightly in the wrong position.Â
The need to let go of my emotions through the lens of different perspectives, as I explore my life, can sometimes told through stories that seem like fantasy, like with magic. In reality, behind the fantasy, I hide truths of my life. In this light, writing allows me to cope with my past so I can heal. As I am learning different styles of writing in my English major, I am exploring new avenues of self-expression in my storytelling to elevate my voice through the narratives I tell myself and other people, and in this process, discovering my truth. Â
Every time I imagined myself as an English major, I became terrified that I would fall victim to the red marks and comments on my essays, that I would not find the right words to come alive on the page, and that I would lose the only voice I have to be heard. To be seen as someone worth talking to. To be afraid to immerse myself into worlds where people and fictional creatures accept me, instead of judging me without even knowing my name.
I came to realize that it does not matter what people think of my writing, as long as writing continues to be a place of joy and serenity for me. Each red mark and comment are avenues for me to take a walk to reflect on how I can become a better writer. So, I can strive without hesitation and questions.Â