I Rewatched Lady Bird And It Made Me Emotional

One of the most anticipated films of 2023, Barbie, premiered in theaters this past summer and per many it did not disappoint. The mind behind Barbie is director and actress Greta Gerwig, who has starred in films such as 20th Century Women and Frances Ha. However, when behind the scenes, Gerwig holds an entirely other sense of power as a director. Before there was Barbie, there was Lady Bird, the movie that familiarized me with Greta Gerwig in the first place. I watched Lady Bird for the first time in 2018, a year after it came out–I was in my freshman year of high school and thought that I knew all the answers, but I didn’t. I was (and still am) in a major A24 phase and had heard so much about it. The first time I watched it was with my mom and in blatant honesty–I really didn’t care for it. I felt like there was a lot missing and that it was underwhelming; I didn’t care for any of the characters, not even Lady Bird herself. I felt as if I was missing out on a joke that everyone else was in on. I continued thinking that the movie was just “okay” until I saw Little Women (2019) in theaters. Coincidentally, I went to see it with my mom this time as well, except only this time, I cried. I cried at how frustrating the love tropes were, I cried over the loss and the coldness of the film, I cried for Jo, I cried for myself. Leaving the theater I was perplexed by feeling like this and silently commended Gerwig in that moment, thinking to myself like “okay wow you got me there. What was I missing with your work before then?”

However, these feelings came and went and I never really thought anything of it until my second time watching Lady Bird. It was the spring before high school graduation, a lot had happened in my life and I was aware of things and feelings that I wasn’t years before. This second viewing really gutted me–I remember it being a lonely Friday night… I must’ve cried at least two times over this movie, but why? What exactly had changed I wasn’t exactly sure of; but now finally after my third and most recent time watching, I do. Here are three aspects of Lady Bird that make me reflect…upon my third watch:

1. Lady Bird’s Dad

It can be argued that the most important relationship in the movie is between Lady Bird and her mother, Marion–the movie opens with a shot of them laying in bed together. However, when it comes to her relationship with her father Larry, it is much different. Larry understands his wife’s flaws, and I even think he understands Lady Bird’s too, but he loves them nonetheless. One of the major conflicts in the film is that Lady Bird wants to apply to an East Coast school, against her mom’s wishes. Her mother has made it clear how she feels about Lady Bird applying to anywhere that’s not a state school, so as a result Lady Bird confides in her father to help her. She goes to her dad to help her with her financial aid application, which in the end he does. Though it can be argued that Larry doing this was problematic, especially when he knew how his wife would feel about it, to me it shows how much Larry loves his daughter. Months later when the time came to find that Lady Bird was waitlisted for a school in New York, she would tell her dad in secret and he would be nothing less than proud of her. Aside from how he knew Marion would feel, he knew how much it meant to his daughter. In all, Larry shows affection for his whole family, even if it is in a subtle way. In the middle of the film it is revealed that Larry was fired from his job, which then reveals that he has been struggling with depression for some time, perhaps partially due to financial burden. Later on in the film we see that Larry is applying for a new job, and on his way out of the interview is his son Miguel going for the same job. Rather than show that he is upset, he wishes his son good luck and continues on to go with Lady Bird and “eat Doritos in the car.” Larry shows love for his wife by always sticking by her side and talking well on her character. But most of all, his love for his daughter gets me the most emotional. Some of my favorite moments of Lady Bird and her dad together are when they are listening to Alanis Morissette in the car, when Lady Bird goes to prom, and when Larry wishes Lady Bird a happy birthday with a single cupcake and candle, even when her mom wasn’t talking to her. All in all, Gerwig encapsulated male vulnerability perfectly through Lady Bird’s dad.

2. “But Do You Like Me?”

Lady Bird’s relationship with her mother is a whole different ballpark, and it is still somewhat difficult for me to fully understand. Though I agree with Danny when he tells Lady Bird “I do not think your mother is warm,” I do not think that Marion is a bad person, either. Where there’s moments that they’re screaming at each other and someone’s jumping out of a moving car, there’s times when Lady Bird cries in her mother’s arms and they decide to go pretend “house hunting” afterwards. To be honest, I still don’t know what to entirely think about their relationship. From what we know, Marion’s mother was an ‘abusive alcoholic,’ as she puts it to Lady Bird during one scene in the movie. We know that Marion truly loves her daughter, but does she like her? This specific scene always guts me somehow, Saoirse Ronan effortlessly conveys being a lost and anxious teenager so well:

Lady Bird: I wish you liked me.

Marion: Of course I love you.

Lady Bird: But do you like me?

Marion: I want you to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

Lady Bird: What if this is the best version?

Please, someone pass me the tissues.

3. Sacramento 

Throughout the movie, there are multiple times when we hear LadyBird bring up Sacramento, and for most instances… how she hates it. One of her motivations for applying to East Coast colleges is the fact that she wants to get out of Sacramento and go somewhere where there’s “culture.” For a while, she consistently expresses her dislike for where she lives, the exact reason I’m still figuring out, but I guess in some context it’s relatable. When I had moved out of my childhood home two or so years ago, I had not even thought I’d miss it as much as I did once I was gone. We are all so eager to leave where we come from without considering how much our inner-child will grieve as a result. What Lady Bird failed to realize for a majority of the time was that no matter where she was going to end up, Sacramento was and is always going to be a part of her. I think this realization kicks in somewhat in the middle of the film, when we discover that Lady Bird chooses to write about, you guessed it, Sacramento for her college essay. When having her meeting with the school’s counselor, Sister Sarah Joan, she says something to Lady Bird that catches her by surprise. She says to her: “you clearly love Sacramento…” to which Lady Bird replies, “I do?” This exchange is so important because it conveys how Lady Bird innately feels about her home, even if she doesn’t know it yet. It is not until the very end of the movie when we hear Lady Bird talk positively about her home. This change of attitude, to me, is Lady Bird’s “ah-ha” moment– the moment when she realizes how much her home actually means to her. The film ends with a phone call between Christine (which she finally addresses herself as), and her mother. Despite Lady Bird being dropped off for school, her mother had not been on speaking terms with her as she was extremely upset with her, too upset to even say ‘goodbye.’ Christine’s monologue to her mother is what makes me cry the most, especially when the scene plays out with her and mother side-by-side, driving through the place they know and love. The following lines are definitely the most meaningful to me:

“Hey mom, did you feel emotional the first time you drove through Sacramento? I did…

All those bends I’ve known my whole life, and stores, and the whole thing…”

Lady Bird then ends the call by saying “I love you,” and then thanks her mom. If I wanted to I could probably write a short essay on the concept of Sacramento in this film alone, it’s that impactful to the storyline. 

I am so glad that I gave this film another try, and would have never guessed that this story would leave such a mark on me. From seeing the film for the first time with fresh teenage eyes to seeing it five years later, and nearly twenty years old– of course my feelings would change. At my point in life now, I have been through a great deal of change: I moved states, experienced feelings I’d never thought were real, and even managed to go to college. Greta Gerwig is a genius on and off screen, and I believe one of the best in the game right now. As a woman, and film lover, she inspires me and I will never not hesitate to geek out on what she has to offer.

• #movie review
• comingofage
• ladybird