Valentine’s Day, a day of inextricable woes, love, and the best candy ever crafted by the universe’s nimble, confectionary-prone hands, Cherry Juju Hearts. Regardless of how you’re planning on spending Valentine’s Day, whether it be consoling a recently broken heart, a romantic date with a partner, or hosting a much beloved palentine’s day, you’ve got to have a soundtrack. Think of the horrors of crying into desolate silence! Perhaps your partner was consistently and egregiously misquoting bell hooks, then Taylor Swift’s pseudo-feminist ex, who had a penchant for haphazardly tossing his car keys at her may ring too true for you. Very “All Too Well (10 Minute Version)”-core of you babes! You know what they say, the only way to escape the aestheticization of our own pain is to aestheticize it more. Lean into the performance, and do so ironically. And you can do it by following this completely comprehensive guide to have the best Valentine’s Day possible.
To Read – The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka (When Someone Wouldn’t Say They Would Still Love if You Were a Worm)
Perhaps your respective ex did not always validate your need to be told that you’re loved. Maybe you’d even ask them if they’d still love you if you were a worm, and they would roll their eyes as if you posed a menial question; when, in reality, you posed a Kafkaesque query on the conditionality of love. You are Gregor and Gregor is you. You are one.
To Watch – When Harry Met Sally (Celebrating a Successful Acquaintance-ship turned Friendship turned Relationship)
Real followers of my bi-weekly Her Campus articles know of my love for When Harry Met Sally from my Friendsgiving post. It would make sense such a brilliant movie would have the stuff to fulfill the needs of multiple holidays. Given the perfect, star-aligned odds of your relationship working out it should be celebrated with such a pinnacle of cinema (multiple holidays people!). Also, if for some reason you break up mid-movie and are stuck finishing it, either out of spite or ultra-adhesive glue, you still have the sweaters to ogle and distract you from the crash-and-burn nature of your relationship. I’m not playing around when I say they are peak knitwear.
To Watch – Magic Mike XXL (Horny)
HOT MEN DANCING!
To Watch – “Killing Eve” (Horny)
HOT WOMEN COMMITTING MURDER!
To Watch – Pride and Prejudice (2005) (Burning)
Longing stares and fits of previously repressed passion via hand flexes.
To Listen – “I’d Have You Anytime” by Geroge Harrison (If You’re in Love)
A song by the best Beatle (will not be accepting criticism) and it makes me cry everytime. It’s beautiful. Tell your partner everything you have is theirs, now! Given, if you’re in college, you may literally have nothing to your name – that’s fine, it’s the thought that counts.