There is a book called Finished It that my softball team read together the last few months. From the point of view of the team captain, the book told the story of the University of Alabama’s run to the National Championship. There were so many amazing takeaways from the book that could be a whole nother story, but our team chose to discuss the ways in which this book could benefit and bring our team together. The book included so many examples of activities the team did that brought them closer, but there was one that stuck out to us. It is called “Got your back”. My team decided to try it, and it has stuck with me.
Each of us taped a piece of paper to our backs and went around to each paper and wrote something we love about that person. It could be softball related, but it didn’t have to be. Some people wrote a positive word to describe that person, some wrote a short compliment, but the ones who benefitted the most from the exercise were the ones who wrote a heartfelt and insightful note to each person. In the end, we each had a paper with 22 positive messages from our peers. Reading through each message made me tear up. As someone who is constantly overthinking and is a bit self-conscious, it was so uplifting to read through all the kind messages from my peers.
Although I love reading all the things my friends love about me, because who wouldn’t, the real reason I loved this exercise was because I loved expressing what I loved about them. As humans, and especially as women, we love to receive compliments and hear people tell us how good we look or how great we are. I feel we are constantly looking for approval of our new haircut, outfit, or makeup that day. It is almost like we can’t fully accept ourselves until someone else has expressed their validation in us as well. Compliments have been taken and spun to be something that isn’t exchanged to make someone feel good. The hallways back in high school were filled with girls exchanging compliments on a pair of jeans, or a top in style, but that is not the type of compliment I am advocating for. Those compliments were given with the expectation to receive one too. A bottomless compliment about a top you like or a pair of shoes that look cool are not the compliments that make someone feel good. Kind, sincere, intuitive compliments that often catch the receiver off guard are the ones that make their day.
It is the heartfelt compliments that don’t just brighten someone else’s day, but make you feel brighter too. It takes a secure person to put their own desire aside and give a good compliment. We all like attention, but a little sincerity once in a while can be extremely refreshing; on both ends of the compliment. Compliments are so powerful. There is something so validating about stepping out of your comfort zone to notice something extraordinary about another person. To stop thinking about yourself and think of others, without expecting anything in return, is such a great thing.
Complimenting doesn’t have to be as awkward as society has made it. Somehow not being able to take a compliment has become quite the trend, and it shouldn’t be. Compliments should make both parties feel good. There doesn’t have to be weird silence, or weird eye contact, or any reading into it. Compliment someone’s smile. Compliment their eyes. Tell someone they look hot today. Tell someone you notice how hard they have been working. Tell someone their laugh makes you happy. Tell a stranger they look beautiful today. Tell someone they are going to be so successful one day. Tell a stranger they have a beautiful family. Complimenting doesn’t have to be hard! It takes an extraordinary human to give a heartfelt compliment. I challenge you to give a stranger a compliment today. Here is mine: I think you are extraordinary.