Think back to your high school prom, singing with friends and dancing with the date you thought you’d marry – or maybe you hated high school. In that case, think back to childhood holidays, giggling with your siblings or playing with your favorite toy while the television hummed in the background. What do you feel? Personally, I feel an existential yearning for wanting to go back. Throughout childhood, we focus on how we can’t wait to grow up and do exciting things like getting our license, going to college, and living independently. But I find that as I get to those stages in life, I think the opposite: how I wish I could experience childlike wonder once again.Â
Don’t get me wrong, I love my life now. I am surrounded by incredible friends and loving family while lucky enough to have a roof over my head and food on my plate. The thing about nostalgia is that it’s one of the most complex emotions humans can experience. It’s a sort of longing for the past, wishing you could go back and experience it one more time, knowing you never will again. My favorite lyric to associate with this feeling comes from “Ivy” by Frank Ocean, “I ain’t a kid no more / We’ll never be those kids again.” As sad as that sounds, it truly resonates with the feeling of knowing you will never be able to relive those moments, no matter how much you wish you could. All you can do is acknowledge it and move on.
Despite these feelings of longing, that’s not all nostalgia can be. The American Psychological Association states that nostalgia can be used as a sense of motivation; We can look back on the past and compare it to who we are now to give us inspiration for who we want to be in the future. It also serves to connect us to other people, unifying the past memories with whom we spent them. I think it’s bitter-sweet; We know we cannot reverse time to relive these fond memories, so instead we cope with knowing we were lucky to experience them in the first place. These recollections offer us comfort and allow us to relax during stressful times and remember all the joyful moments that we have experienced.Â
I experience a lot of nostalgia surrounding the holidays. There is no other feeling like standing in the cold with my family, huddled up in our winter jackets on Christmas Eve, and tossing “reindeer food” into our front yard. The following morning, the excitement was high as I rushed down the stairs into the living room with the biggest smile on my face to see Santa had come. Christmas has remained my favorite holiday, and I think the fond memories I associate with it are a huge part of that. It is important to remember not to feel sad over these memories passing but comforted that our past has managed to stay with us this long while continuing to bring fond reminders of happiness.Â
I would do anything to push my older sister down a slide in our backyard once again, with our laughs echoing and our dogs playing around us. But I also know that in some time, I will look back on this moment, wishing I could go back to living alone with just me and her in our college years. Our past will always remain with us, no matter how much we change. Nostalgia is a bridge that connects us to who we are today and will continue to build and remind us how lucky we are to have impactful memories that we wish we could go back to.Â