When I first came to Western, trying to meet new people felt so overwhelming. Having the same surface-level conversations for the entirety of the first year – “What’s your name?”, “Where are you from?”, and “What program are you in.” It is so difficult to create quality friendships when you are having the same static conversations with every single person. What makes it even worse is that maintaining friendships is so much harder since you must put more effort into keeping them alive. Friendships require more effort in university from both parties compared to friendships in high school. In high school, maintaining friendships was relatively easy due to the close proximity of our peers. You are given a couple hundred people your age that you’re stuck with for four years. Transitioning to university, you are surrounded by thousands of new people with different interests and backgrounds. Finding a group of people you fit in with can be very difficult.
So, to combat these anxieties and fears, here’s my guide to creating meaningful and lasting friendships throughout university.
1. Learn to have a healthy balance of academics and a social life
Sometimes, it can feel like exams are never-ending, and all you’re really doing is studying. You end up only spending time with your friends when you’re together at the library. However, this can be detrimental to your mental health since you’re only associating them with people you see when you need to study. My tip is to try doing different activities together outside of just studying together. Try to find different things to do, whether that may be going to your favourite bar or cafe or having a movie night. Try doing something apart from school and the stressors that come with it.
2. Finding a way to grow from your high school friendships
Many of you may have friends from high school who come with you to university, but make sure not to trap yourself in the confines of just being friends with them. University is a great place to meet new people and learn more about yourself. If you stay with the same people from high school, you cannot grow and progress. That’s not to say that you should disregard your high school friendships. I would suggest still keeping in contact and spending time with them, especially when you go back to your hometown, but make sure you’re not stuck solely to that group. Try to expand your horizons.
3. Remember, it’s quality over quantity.
At least when I started my first year, I wanted to make as many friends as I could as quickly as possible. Over time, you learn that it’s not about how many friends you have. It’s about the quality of your friendships. That’s not to say that you should only have one friend group. Make sure you have different groups of friends that you can go to. Do you get anxious when you’re with some of your friends? Are you arguing with them? Do you want to be spending that time with those friends? Assessing friendships is necessary for understanding what friendships are worth your time and energy. Ensure you’re investing time into quality friendships where both of you grow.
4. Don’t forget your long-distance besties!
With all your friends from home being at different universities, make sure that you keep in touch with them. These are the people that have known you the longest and maybe even the best, so make sure that you’re maintaining those lifelong friendships. This can be through making plans whenever you’re all home for breaks or having weekly scheduled video calls. Reaching out can be as small as sending TikToks to each other. Anything to keep the friendship fire burning!
5. Use campus activities
It can be so hard to find people with similar interests as you. Using clubs and getting involved in campus life can be a way to meet others with similar interests. These can be cultural clubs, social clubs, or academic clubs. There’s a club for almost everything, you just have to find it. If there isn’t a club that fits what you’re looking into, make your own! Odds are that someone else also is searching for a club that meets these as well. Clubs can help to find people that you wouldn’t meet within your residences or your classes. It may be the random people that you bump into on campus that you wouldn’t imagine ever being friends with. But it’s always the ones that you don’t expect that can really make a difference.
6. Roommate relationships
Finding the right roommates is significant. You want to make sure you find great people that you’re close to but wouldn’t get sick of. It could be people that you meet in your classes or in clubs that you are in. It could also be through social media or even through the pairings that Western gave you in the first year. However you find them, your roommates can be the people who stay with you for the rest of your life. Although, you still want to make sure that you’re maintaining boundaries. Open communication is super important for maintaining your relationships. If someone isn’t washing their dishes or throwing out the garbage, make sure that you communicate how you feel about this in a kind and welcoming manner. Let them know that you’re not mad at them, there are just some things you want to change because you just live differently from them. The last thing you want is to have an unhealthy and toxic living environment when your home is supposed to be your escape from the stressors of school.
7. How to handle conflicts
It’s natural to have arguments with your friends. It happens to everyone, especially if you’re homesick. However, it doesn’t have to result in disaster for the friendship. There are healthy ways to handle a conflict. Try to approach your issues with empathy and openness, and make sure you are willing to listen and compromise. Otherwise, you’ll just be spinning in circles and nothing productive will come of the conversation. Using this method for handling conflicts can not only resolve issues but also strengthen bonds to last longer.
8. It’s okay to say “no.”
I know I have been saying that it’s so important to make efforts to maintain friendships, but with that in mind, it is also important to preserve your own mental health. This is your sign that it is okay to say “no”. Your friends should be able to understand that sometimes you just need some time, and that doesn’t mean that you want to stop being friends, but that you just need some time to focus on yourself. The best friendship dynamics are the ones that are healthy and low-pressure. You don’t need to spend all your time with them, but when you do, it feels like no time has passed.
As a parting thought, no matter who you have as your friends, make sure that you are growing with them and not just stuck in the same toxic patterns. This is the one time in your life where you will be able to do whatever you want, be whoever you want, without any real consequences. This is your chance, so make sure that you don’t waste it with people that don’t make you happy.