I feel that a lot of the times, when someone I know comes to me with a problem, they may need some white lies to make them feel at ease. But I think that’s the most bullshit thing I’ve ever heard. If you’re asking someone for a second opinion, you’re asking for their opinion ––not one that matches yours.
Think about it: what affects a person more than being lied to by someone they care about over a very important situation? Yes, I understand that it’s difficult to see someone you care about hurting. Trust me, it sucks. I’m sure we have all been put in a situation where someone we love is hurting, and the truth would just hurt them more. But think about the long term repercussions your words and actions will have on this person in the future. Don’t be afraid to make them upset by going against what they want to hear—instead tell them what they need to hear.
Say your best friend is asking you for advice about their long term significant other and they’ve done something to betray their trust. They may justify their actions by saying that it meant nothing or it was the heat of the moment. Then, they start crying. And you don’t handle crying well. So you pat their back and tell them everything will work itself out.
It is important to really look at the situation from an outsider perspective, not just the eyes of the best friend that you are. The reality of the situation is that their significant other cheated on them and that’s a very horrible thing to do. Be honest with them. Tell them it is more than okay to be upset because of what they’ve done and let them know you’re here to support them.
I know cheating on a significant other is a very broad example, but the logic still stands regardless of the situation. Maybe they’re having a hard time at school and refuse to take a break or something deeper that they need help addressing. Give large mercies, not little ones.
‘Tis the season of giving—so give your friend some honesty and keep the white lies to a minimum this Christmas.
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