In a world dominated by hookup apps and walks of shame, casual sex is the new serious relationship. People are getting married later and abstinence is about as relevant as the purity ring I bought in ninth grade. There are more and more women who are unapologetic about their sexuality; women who choose to engage in hookup culture without being afraid of the stigma that comes with being a woman who enjoys casual sex.
I was raised in a family that made sex a taboo subject – if we didn’t talk about it, it wouldn’t happen. I was naive about my own sexuality because I didn’t understand it, because I was taught to suppress it. I giggled when my friends would talk about the boys they made out with at the party last Friday. I couldn’t physically say the word penis without turning an inhuman shade of red. I barely looked at my own naked body.
I didn’t consider myself “sexy.” I was the cute one: the inexperienced, blushes-when-you-flirt-with-her, never-been-kissed, cute one. It’s not that I thought there was something wrong with me, I just didn’t think I was necessarily “desirable” in that way. I didn’t even own a thong at that point, never mind one of those lingerie ensembles that couldn’t possibly fit under jeans. I didn’t see the point.
I still don’t really see the point of super elaborate lingerie – but I think that is the point. It’s not really about looking sexy. No girl puts on her $27 cheeky lace panties from Victoria Secret so Chad from Sigma Chi can haphazardly rip them off. She puts them on because she feels sexy in them. Because those cheeky lace panties give her the confidence she needs to talk to Chad in the first place.
Everything changed for me after my first serious relationship. My experience with him showed me that sex wasn’t this illicit activity as I had been raised to believe. Sex is personal and intimate but it doesn’t have to be restricted to the love of your life. It can be fun and easy and casual.
The way I see it, sexuality is power and strength and confidence. I’ve never been rejected in the bedroom because my stomach wasn’t perfectly flat. No guy has ever refused to sleep with me because my boobs weren’t big enough. But even more than that, my experience with casual sex has awakened my own appreciation for my body. At the end of the day, I know that my stomach rolls don’t make me any less sexy. Because I have $27 cheeky lace panties on and I feel damn good.
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