My mind does not stop racing. It is constantly thinking and running, only shutting off when I consciously force it to. But, maybe it isn’t supposed to be forced off. Maybe, I have to embrace this constant state of analyzing, brainstorming and dreaming. But then, what if I spend my time only in my thoughts instead of doing the things I keep thinking so deeply or frequently about? What if I get lost in my own head and am in this state of panic of not performing to a perfect ability? Then why even attempt the action when I can just lay down thinking about all of the negative outcomes instead? There is a point where too much thinking has occurred, but there’s also a point where not enough thinking has been done.
I don’t even know where the hell these thoughts come from. There’s so many ideas, so many questions, so many random observations that I concoct inside my mind. Even when I pour them all out to family, friends and the page, my mind automatically recharges, filling up the spaces again with all sorts of deep thoughts. I don’t know what to call it. I don’t know why I view it as a bad thing. I want to stop thinking sometimes, so I do activities that help me zone out, but why do I think that thinking is such a bad thing?
Maybe it isn’t the act of thinking, but that my thoughts are what I view as negative. Maybe it is because I either find myself thinking about the past or the future and both coincide with feelings of worry, anxiety, regret and uneasiness. However, nothing is ever black and white, so these thoughts also coincide with feelings of inspiration, appreciation, excitement and curiosity.
Or maybe I just think that everything I think about for more than five seconds is deemed as “overthinking,” which I also feel guilty about. Overthinking is socially connoted as a negative hobby that many people struggle with, but again I ask, why is it such a bad thing?
Of course, the obvious answer is that we can construct extreme assumptions about situations we are dealing with, but who cares? They are just thoughts and conclusions that can only be brought to life through action. Such outcomes will only occur if we really want them to or we act in ways that affirm our beliefs, but not everything we believe at every second is what we become, otherwise we would all be fucking shapeshifters.
Even as I write this, I am struggling. I am losing my momentum because I am getting preoccupied with the little details of what I am writing in this article at this very moment. I am afraid that I will lose track of the theme in this article or I will simply bore my audience, which is probably my greatest worry.
Contrarily, I could have left that above section out, but I didn’t because that was part of my abundant and self-reproducing supply of thoughts. Instead of becoming frustrated with forcing myself to focus on one thought, one topic, one simple idea, I just let it go because I know that eventually the thoughts will all make sense together, regardless of their content.
If I thought about my ex right now it might seem somewhat off topic, but at the same time it matches with the topic. If I thought about sex, which is at least three or four times every hour by the way, it would seem so weirdly off topic or just uncalled for, just like the fact on how much I think about sex. Again, I could tie such a thought with the feeling of “overthinking,” of learned guilt because of societal views on the concept of engaging with our thoughts for too long, even more so regarding human genitalia.
It is interesting that I feel uncomfortable with my own thoughts at times. I feel like I am only “supposed” to think about a certain topic, event, person, homework question or, of course, porn scene, for a certain amount of time or for the time that society deems as acceptable.
But, it is time to improve. Like everything else it is time to accept the raw truth and then change reality. The truth is that I do overthink and I have this racing mind. The truth is I like it, but sometimes I don’t. The truth is I feel guilty for overindulging in my thoughts at times. It’s nice to have a break, but it’s not necessary, as I’ve been influenced to believe. It is time to make peace with my never-ending flood of thoughts, allowing them to come and go at any rate without judgment. It is time to realize that we do not have to act upon every thought that enters our minds; we always have a choice to take action. Though it’s simple to let our thoughts control us, we must control them because if we don’t, that is when overthinking becomes an issue.
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