It gives you a rush, finally going home after years of your busy schedule in a new city. The expectation and excitement boils inside you. You can remember the way the city was. You can remember the way it looked and smelled; the way the lake touched the sky, the way the teens hung out around the bus terminal and the way the roads crisscrossed. Your heart jumps when you see the first buildings coming into sight.
You know exactly what to expect; after all, you were raised here. But it’s different. Sure, many things are the same but at the same time, so much has changed. Some of the iconic places of your childhood remain intact: the 400 market, your old high school and of course, the lake.
But many other buildings have changed their faces; the same way you do when you put your makeup on every morning. The pizza parlor where you hung out with friends during lunch hour is now a pawn shop. The ice rink where your step dad taught you how to skate is now the new fire department. The video store where you rented movies with your mom is now a fast food restaurant; But the real kicker, is your old house. The cherry tree from the front yard has been replaced with a jungle gym and the window shutters are no longer white, they’re brown.
Everything has changed. Your heart slumps in your chest as you realize that nothing is the same. But then again, neither are you. Did you really expect your hometown to remain unchanged in the past ten years? Of course you did. It was all there in your memory and expectations of home.
You wanted it to be the same, willed it to be. But it’s not and how could it be? You’re a completely different person than you were before. The places that held such prominence in your life once mean nothing now. It’s not that those places weren’t significant when you needed them, but your perspective has changed. Your priorities have changed.
As much as you want this place to be what you remember, it can’t be. Even if all the buildings and roads stayed the same, they would still appear different. You’re not the same you that you were when you were there last. So many things have happened. Those things, however insignificant that they may seem, are always carried around with us. They mold us into who we are; they change our perspectives on everything.
It’s a part of growing up. Picking and choosing what things are important and what things to leave behind. For some reason, you chose to leave your hometown and move on with your life. Once that choice was made, it would never be the same. It can’t be; your perspective has changed because you have changed.
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