I’ve known Ariel for a short period of time, and I just cannot say I’ve met anybody like her. It’s about time somebody shares the best things our superstar campus correspondent says on a regular basis. Meet Ariel’s mouth:
1. “I would like to be excluded from this narrative.”
Context: Because Ariel was in class.
2. “I had such a cute outfit planned but I feel so garbage that my bad Kermit is like ‘wear uggs and an ugly sweater.’”
Context: Ariel is trying to make her way to a party.
3. “I’m a mind reader/witch.”
Context: Unneeded, it’s true
4. “I need at least one stellar grade in my undergrad so…”
Context: We have a class together (finally).
Update: We are awful at this class/class in general/we are bad at university/it’s not looking great.
5. “I’m going this month without spending money on dumb sh*t and I’m gonna start going to yoga, so I better be skinny and rich in February.”
Context: See here
6. “Prada or nada mami.”
Context: See above article.
7. “Did you mean me, a human trash can, lit on fire?”
Context: Remember that class I told you about? This reflects the studying attitude we share.
8. “Crotchety crotch all you want.”
Context: I asked if I could say crotch in an article.
9. “Article: 12 Reasons Why Soc of Law Makes Me Want to Lie Down.”
Context: Our class is still not going well.
10. “Any dog is a dog u can steal if you believe in yourself.”
Context: Ariel’s unhealthy dog obsession (love you dearly— but we do NOT steal dogs).
11. “I care more about dogs than like 99% of things.”
Context: Sigh, see above.
12. “Fourth week of class and we haven’t been there at the same time.”
Context: I bet you’re wondering if this is about Sociology of Law.
Update: It sure is.
13. “I actually look glam af today.”
Context: The birthday girl retired her uggs and ugly sweaters!
14. “The fact that I am out of bed before noon on this here national holiday.”
Context: Note, the national holiday is Ariel’s birthday.
15. “You know I won’t be classy tonight.”
Context: National holiday celebrations done right.
Update: This quotation/national holiday was followed by an article about how Ariel is done drinking.
16. “As you can tell, my f*cks are diminishing rapidly.”
Context: See “Sociology of Law”
17. “My V Day plans are studying and taking a bath with expensive ass products and eating skittles in the bath.”
Context: Unneeded, someone vote this woman as Prime Minister.
18. “I’m a sl*t for consumerism.”
Context: Submitted by a friend of Ariel’s.
19. “Some people were raised by wolves I guess.”
Context: Discussion of things boys say on Tinder. See here