What It’s Like To Be A Female Musician

Stevie Nicks is a stellar human being and a total rock star. She’s a style icon, has a pretty exciting persona and most importantly, she wrote some of my favourite music. I realized not too long ago that although my musical idols are all fantastically talented (Freddie Mercury, Thom Yorke, Kurt Cobain, Billy Joel, etc.) they all have one thing in common – they’re all men. As a female musician myself, I decided I should expose myself to more female artists. Women to look up to, aspire to, rock out to.

One day I spent the whole afternoon browsing through Fleetwood Mac documentaries and interviews, basking in the awesomeness that is Stevie Nicks. And yet, every single one led with more or less the same line of inquisition: 

“Do you ever feel like you missed out because you didn’t have children?”

“Don’t have a husband?”

“Isn’t it lonely?”

“How are you going to get back into shape?”

Questions, I’m sure, would never be asked to any of the aforementioned men. The thing is, if you really want it, if being up there with a million lights and cheering crowds and having your voice ascend up into the rafters of the stadium while the drums beat on is exactly what you desire, sometimes there isn’t enough room for everything else.

Here are some things I’ve learned since attempting to be my own musician.

1)    When you introduce yourself as a musician, guys will likely smile and brush it off as cute.

You’re about to go up and play a set, and some brooding guy automatically assumes you’re going to get up there and play an acoustic Taylor Swift cover. (Don’t get me wrong, Twsift is cool, but why are we always assumed to be soft singer-songwriter types?) This is when you blow them away with your dynamic soulful originals instead. Afterwards they will come up, gobsmaked and say something to the effect of “Wow, you were actually really good. I’m surprised”. Thank you, kind stranger.

2)    If you play a set alongside a guy, he will be swarmed with adoring fangirls immediately afterwards. You will not. This is okay.

As soon as you walk off, they will appear out of thin air, brushing right past you and swooning over his impressive 3 chord strumming on the guitar. They’ll probably give him their numbers and notice you as they walk away, absentmindedly telling you that you were also “good”.

3)    Posting an ad on Kijiji for bandmates is horrifying.

The day will come when you realize you need some musical support. The responses to these ads might be serious, or they might just be guys trying to morph “band practice” into “coffee dates and dinner”.

4)    If you want people to see you as good, you have to be great.

While this might sound relatively self-evident, I don’t understand this one. There have been countless shows I’ve played where guys take the stage and are quite good guitarists, but mediocre singers at best and are praised to the nth degree. Whereas the girls that follow their performances who work hard at their craft, perfecting the range and the tone of their voice, are held to basically the same standard. Nobody is going to take you seriously unless you bring the house down.

5)    Boys will assume you are unknowledgeable about all things music and attempt to “help” you out by means of flirting.

Yes, I can adequately play this instrument. No, I don’t need you to teach me. I also know how sound checks work. Surprising, I know.

6)    That song I wrote is not (always) about you.

Sorry.

7)    Not everything I write is about relationships. But if I want to write a song about relationships, that doesn’t make me whiny/annoying/stereotypical.

Some of the best songs of all time are about love. Because love makes no sense and music helps put pieces back together. If you’re going to bash me for writing about romance, you’ll want to do the same to Ed Sheeran, Marcus Mumford, Billy Joel, etc.

8)    “They make you carry around your equipment yourself?!”

Yes, I’m a musician. I carry my keyboard. Think of it as my gym time.

9)    “I didn’t know girls liked Zeppelin. That’s hot.”

Goodbye.

10)  “….”

That was the sound of girls being ignored a million times by music store employees.

It’s really weird when you think about. Society brands us with all of these things – girls are emotional, sensitive, helpful – and then comes right back and tells us that those things are the problem, they should be reprimanded, they’re weak. We didn’t come here to be your fashionistas, your daily dose of gossip, your fitness inspirations, your passive girlfriends, or mother of the year.

We’re here to play, and we’re here for us.

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