For too long, we have been exposed to a recurring narrative within films and television shows; the female lead feels professionally inadequate or physically unattractive until a male character validates her. It’s that heart-to-heart moment where the male verbally acknowledges her beauty and almost instantaneously, the female feels more confident and reassured. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with complimenting another person, but the way it’s been done within films raises some alarms. Essentially, the recurring pattern of events within many films and forms of media perpetuates this notion that women can only feel good about themselves once a man validates her.
Take One Direction’s hit song “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful.” This is not to criticize the band or fans of the band, but to critique the culture where a guy must tell a girl that she is beautiful, thereby allowing her to feel beautiful. Look at the lyrics “You don’t know you’re beautiful, that’s what makes you beautiful.” The lyrics explicitly say that what makes her beautiful is the fact that she doesn’t find herself physically attractive. For some reason, there is this underlying assumption that a girl who is “aloof” about her beauty or even unconfident, is humble, graceful and therefore beautiful.
How many times has there been a moment where a female character is at a low point and in her vulnerability, the male character validates, allowing her to feel better about herself? How many movie moments has there been a “remove your glasses” line where the male character sees that underneath her geeky glasses or behind her crooked teeth, he can transform her into something pretty? In this scenario, the female character merely becomes a pawn that can be dressed, undressed and transformed into something pretty. I feel like this has damaging repercussions in the real world because it shows women and young girls that they should only feel pretty or confident if a male tells them that they are. It seems as though your own perception of yourself and your self-worth is riding on someone else’s opinion of you. How catastrophic and potentially damaging is that?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKTZAsDVkzs
I have seen conversations play out in real life where the man will compliment the woman on her beauty, only for her to humbly disagree. But when the woman is confident in her own right and feels beautiful about herself, she is suddenly delusional and arrogant.It’s almost like she doesn’t have permission to feel beautiful about herself because it can only be granted by her male counterpart. This is not to say that all men behave or think this way, only that this has been a prevailing cultural practice both within media and outside of it.
I feel like we have to put this narrative to rest. Your perception of your self-worth or your beauty should not be dependent on somebody else’s.
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