Have you ever seen a couple walking down the street and thought, “Meh, he or she can do better…”
If your answer is no, then you’re:
- Lying
- More evolved than me and/or less superficial
OR
- Lying about being less superficial than me
In the interest of good faith and honesty, I am going to assume the majority of you answered honestly and said yes. Yes, I have thought that once or twice Hannah.
Good. Moving on.
So anyway, like I said, I am being honest here and honestly you’re probably right. That person probably could do a lot better. They could find someone skinnier or curvier, more um well endowed, or just someone who is by and large more physically attractive. Honestly, they probably know this. They are probably well aware of it.
But here’s the thing:
They’ve probably been there and done that. They’ve dated the CAISA model, the athlete, the super-networked-knows-everyone bar star, or whatever other dream human being you can imagine. And you know what? It probably sucked.
Now, to be fair someone being attractive does not make them a bad person. However, someone being attractive also does not make them worth putting up with if they do happen to be a bad person. If you haven’t learned this yet be patient grasshopper, you will.
To be clear, I am by no means saying run out and date someone you find unattractive. This does not guarantee them being a great human being. (Been there and done that too). I know what some of you are thinking, that dating someone you consider well below you looks wise means they’ll be grateful to be with you, and they might be, but that big of a power imbalance doesn’t bode well for a healthy (read: good) relationship. Trust me, in time neither of you will be happy.
I mean sure being on a pedestal is fun– for like five minutes. Then it just gets exhausting.
So never date someone that:
- Thinks you are lucky to be with them (because they think they’re so great, and also think they could get someone way hotter)
OR
- You think are lucky to be with you (because you think YOU could do better)
Because the truth is, if you don’t both feel lucky neither of you are. If you don’t both think you have an amazing significant other, and you don’t both think you lucked out finding them, it’s not a relationship. It’s a one-member admiration society (with the admirer getting little to nothing from the admiree).
For those of you still thinking giving nothing and getting a lot sounds okay. I’d like to now tell you this: getting a huge head and ego will do nothing but bad things for you. It won’t help you grow as a person. It won’t mean love and respect from another human being. It won’t enable you to experience love, as in being truly loved for who you are, even for the bad things. It won’t enable you to know what it’s like to truly love someone else.
Being admired is empty, and it won’t make you happy.
But appreciating someone, valuing someone, loving them, and knowing that they appreciate you, love you, and value you right back? That will make you more than happy. That will make you one of the luckiest people alive.