Last week, I met with a friend who asked how I was doing. I could tell she really wanted to know the answer, and she didn’t want to hear that I was ‘fine.’ So I told her how I was really doing, and she listened, and it felt good to know someone was actually interested in what I was saying.
At the same time, I guess it’s easier to tell someone that you are fine than go into all the reasons why you are Not Fine™. Especially if that person is merely an acquaintance. I mean, you’re probably not going to tell your grocery cashier about how your life is in shambles, right? You’re going to smile and nod and keep going through the motions.
During exam time, we have that boring conversation at least once: “What’s your exam schedule? When are you done?” Whether we’re talking to someone we’re actually friends with, or a mere acquaintance, we have all had that conversation. And it sucks- I probably don’t really care when your exams are, and you don’t care about mine. It’s cool.
Dating is also a lot of small talk, which is probably why I suck at it so much. “What year are you in? What did you take? Oh, you grew up in a suburb? Fascinating.” I want to hear all the interesting stuff; like where you’ve traveled, everything about your dog, the last concert you went to. Stuff that is actually interesting and important and cool. You can learn so much more about people by asking these questions and really listening to the answers. I also think that, as boring as these questions are to answer, they’re just as boring to ask. Small talk doesn’t help either person.
I hate small talk. I hate asking someone how they’re doing and they say “good” or “fine.” We’re college students- we’re all kind of miserable. (Bad news: I don’t think that being a grownup in the real world is much better. Bills. Taxes. Ew.) It can feel really good to share how you’re feeling, and to talk more with a friend. Asking someone how they’re doing, and really listening for an answer could mean the world to someone. It could help them in more ways than you could imagine. People love to talk about themselves.