First and foremost, I’m sure some of you have heard of the “let them theory” introduced by the US podcaster Mel Robbins. This theory is simple yet so powerful and game-changing, especially if your anxiety tends to control certain situations. In basic terms, this theory is letting people be who they are. It is letting them figure things out for themselves- even when we don’t agree with a choice or two. Mel used this example in her podcast: “If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person you’re attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. So much time and energy are wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.” Man- that could be harder said than done. However, when you do it, it feels so much better. I personally feel so much lighter. My anxiety consistently wants to try to control situations because I need to know the outcome of instead of letting things just flow the way they flow.
You can also use this theory when a significant other, a friend or even a family member isn’t showing up in your life the way you wish they would. Mel said in her podcast, “Do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them and then you get to choose what you do next.” This isn’t to say that you can’t voice your concerns to people you care about, but we need to watch how much we want to control or persuade people to be a certain way. Yes, it could be the right thing to do in your own mind. However, we lose sight of ourselves and our lives and what we can control so we can find peace and freedom in our lives.
Mel does reference three situations that we should step up and step in instead of letting them do what they want because, like everything in life, there are exceptions. Basically, she mentioned that if someone is doing something dangerous or discriminating against you, then yes, step up. Sometimes, you need to step in and advocate for yourself with things in your life, such as salary or if someone is crossing your boundaries consistently.
Three ways that you can use this theory in your life and change your life for the better are as follows:
Detachment
Now, if you have anxiety like me, sometimes (who am I kidding- most of the time) when I’m unsure of something- I get myself to overthink- the gears are turning, and I get into an emotional or mental struggle. This obviously doesn’t feel great and makes me super stressed. We can use the “let them” theory to detach ourselves from this emotional and mental struggle that we have imploded on ourselves. When we have high expectations of others, we tend to feel inadequate and we waste so much time and energy that we could use for our own lives when worrying about others. And for what? Why do we waste so much energy on things we can’t control? The bottom line is we can’t keep stressing and worrying about things or people’s actions that we can’t control. We need to use that energy and put it back into our own lives and keep working on our own selves and creating peace within our minds. Let them. Simply let people do what they are going to do because those people will show us their true colours. This isn’t easy at all, don’t get me wrong- but if we can practice this theory, it makes our minds so much healthier. It makes our minds more free and lighter.
Step back and let people fail (or succeed)
Now, this one is quite hard. Simply put, you need to let people have the room to learn and grow; sometimes, that means they must learn things the hard way. I have a personal example for this; I have roommates who are a few years younger than me, so I like to really try and give them advice on things that I have gone through or made mistakes I made back when I was their age, but sometimes they just don’t want to take that advice. And you know what? That’s okay. Let them. I’ve learned that sometimes you must let people find out for themselves- even if that means they must go through some things that suck- you must let them. People need valuable experiences to learn lessons. It’s very hard to grasp because we often want to save the people we care most about, especially if we have gone through that situation. However, people need to fail and learn and grow on their own to learn that deep lesson.
Let others be themselves.
If we want happiness and peace in our lives, we need to see people for who they are and accept them as they are. Many people in friendships and relationships like that person for their potential, not who they are. This isn’t to say that you’re not allowed to want more for someone or see a higher potential from someone, but it’s to say if you’re always in your mind, always wishing for them to change x, y, z, then it’s time to step back and think, do you actually like them as a person or for the potential that you wish they could grasp? When you can finally deal with the reality of who someone is, you can make better choices to see who you really are and who you want to be
All in all, if you use the “let them” theory and incorporate it into your own life, you will be so much happier and healthier. Your mind will be so much freer. It’s easier said than done 100%. However, you can’t control everything that goes on in your life. If you let go and accept what is, unless it’s something you can control, then you will find much more love in your life. Realize that everyone, including yourself, is on their own unique journey. Life isn’t a race to control outcomes; it’s a river or a stream that flows at its own pace. When you realize this, you see the beauty in allowing things to flow as they are, understanding that each moment is perfect in its own way. By realizing that you don’t need to control every possible life situation, you open a world of wonderful possibilities, you let your anxiety be at peace and you let yourself be at ease. Embrace the excitement of uncertainty, seeing that the uncertain life events aren’t a threat but are an amazing opportunity for growth. With the “let them” theory, you can tap into the power of acceptance to manifest your true desires. The universe has its own rhythm. Dance with it, let it flow.