For many women, feeling confident in their own skin can be hard. We live in a society that is engulfed in a heavy social media presence, meaning so many expectations have changed, and as women, we often get in our heads about the perfect makeup, the perfect outfit, having money to wear expensive things, having a “clean” girl aesthetic, etc. I know that the social pressures of university also add to that unsettling feeling. I do not know about you, but over my years at university, I went from not being confident to feeling a little more confident each day in social settings like bars, classrooms and even everyday life. Here is a step-by-step guide to cultivate that confidence, maintain healthy relationships and embrace your uniqueness.
Step 1: Own your space.
Listen, I know this sounds daunting, but it is so important to own who you are, wherever you might be. Walking into a crowded bar or any social setting can be very nerve-racking, but the key is to approach it with a mindset that eliminates self-hate and distractions. Think of the space you are going into as a blank canvas, where you and your friends are the artists. Meaning, focus on curating your night and have fun like no one is watching. As you walk into the space, remind yourself that everyone around you is just as focused on their own experience. When I started to think of social settings like this, it changed my mindset. Listen, when I was younger, I enjoyed being the centre of attention, wanting people to approach me, nowadays though, not so much. I have social anxiety when it comes to being in a new place or being near new people. However, by changing my mindset, I have begun to walk into a place and just enjoy my experience the best way I can, and the other people do not matter. Being in a heavy social media presence, it is so easy to think people are judging you everywhere you go, and maybe a small number of people are, as they have nothing better to do or are just very observant. However, if you look past that and just have fun with the people you came with, you end up enjoying yourself even more. I know it is hard, and sometimes you may still be anxious. However, this mindset does help a lot. Walk in with your head held high, as no one else matters except you and those you trust.
Step 2: Surround yourself with support.
It is especially important that in order to feel more confident, you surround yourself with people who uplift you and value you. Your friends should be encouraging you to wear an outfit that is a little outside of your comfort zone; they should be your hype girls, not being jealous of how you look in a certain piece of clothing or new hair. It also goes way beyond that, you want to have a support system composed of a few solid friends who celebrate your achievements and encourage you during tough times, empowering you to be your best self. When you surround yourself with people who make you feel good, you feel good on your own as well.
Step 3: Embrace self-love.
Listen, I know this society is very hooked on the idea that everyone needs a romantic partner to feel loved or important and may I just say, that is not true. If you want a romantic partner, awesome, but remember their presence does not define your worth. Learning to love yourself is so important when you want inner confidence. I will give you a slightly personal experience: I have been out of a serious relationship for about a year and a half, and honestly, I am happier now than I ever was during that last relationship. I sat on my balcony, reflected, journaled, wrote down my strengths and accomplishments (big or small) and really began to fall in love with myself. No person can ever define your value. I do not care if your ex was the worst or greatest person, I do not care if you are talking to a few people, none or maybe even one, they should be adding a positive effect in your life, if not, they do not belong. Self-love will forever be the most important thing I focus on because, in the end, we have ourselves. The more you embrace who you are, start loving for all your good and not-so-good qualities and continue to invest in becoming better every day, the happier you will be. Never lower your standards to fit in or gain acceptance, your values, beliefs, dreams and aspirations make you who you are. I have values that I will never break, not for any person in my life. The right people will align with you, and if they do not, I guess they are not for you.
Step 4: Shift your perspective on failure.
Being in university is filled with ups and downs. That class you failed in first year, it does not matter much now, does it? One bad grade (or many, as let us be real, university is hard and a lot of work) or setback does not define your capabilities. Instead, view it as an opportunity for growth. You will never learn anything if you play it safe and never challenge yourself and fail. Every challenge teaches you resilience and is a stepping stone towards success. Improvement over perfection, any day. To add to that though, if you have to take time off school or take a pause with the challenges, that is okay, we are all on our own adventures and never let someone tell you otherwise. I will give you a personal experience, I often feel like my journey is taking longer than most, that when I graduate, I will be graduating with a class that I do not truly know, etc., but that is okay. I took a year off between high school and university, and switched programs several times, and ended up taking a semester off, but that is okay because that is my journey. The point is I will get there, and continuously working on doing better and inching closer to my personal finish line.
Step 5: Cultivate daily confidence.
Confidence should be nurtured in everyday situations, practice positive self-talk and set small goals to accomplish each day. Whether it is engaging in a new conversation or participating in a class discussion, these small victories build your confidence over time. You can also use body language to your advantage to exhibit your confidence. Standing tall, maintaining eye contact and using open gestures can influence how you feel and how others perceive you. As well as remain as positive as you can. Things may not work out in your favour all the time, but that is okay. Focus on the positives in every situation. Surround yourself with inspiring people, consume uplifting content and practice gratitude. Shift your mindset to appreciate the lessons learned from challenges rather than dwelling on negatives. By doing that, you will build, brick by brick, a more confident self.
Step 6: Understand social media is fake.
Please understand that most things you see on social media are fake. As women, it is so easy to be influenced or feel worse about ourselves. Whether it is social media posts, videos, etc., please know that you do not have to “stop eating to look like so and so” now that is in quotations as it was a comment I read on some social media influencer’s posts. Your body is unique to you, never think you need to forfeit food so you can stay a certain build, as long as you are healthy and feel refreshed and good, then you do not need to change certain things. Your body is unique and beautiful just the way it is. Embrace your individuality and practice self-love. Celebrate your features, your strengths and the things that make you you. Do not let social media dictate your worth; compare yourself to your own goals and achievements rather than the edited lives of others. Everyone’s journey is different, so why not just focus on yours. When I say that people’s lives are edited online, remember that social media often presents just a small version of what their reality actually looks like. Many images could be either filtered or edited and only highlights the positives of someone’s life, everyone has struggles and imperfections but why worry about them when you can worry about yourself. If you see someone online doing something that you want to do, set goals and work hard towards achieving them. Whether it is in your career, education, fitness, or even hobbies, dedication and consistency can actually lead to fulfillment and success. Your achievements are yours no matter how big or small they may seem and you should be proud of them. A good thing to remember as well is that with a heavy amount of social media presence these days, take breaks from social media when you need to. Oftentimes I go on Do Not Disturb so that way I don’t see the notifications to make me want to go on social media apps. I use that time instead to engage in activities that make me feel good about myself, whether it’s going to the gym, spending time with friends or practicing mindfulness. Remember you are more than what you see online. Embrace your potential and take pride in your journey.
Embrace every moment of life with a heart full of self-love and confidence. Remember, your journey is unique. Stay true to yourself, and everything else will fall into place. You are worth so much—believe it, own it and never shy away from being the confident, incredible person you are meant to be!