The lingo that our generation has created has always been a mystery to me, yet, as a fellow Gen-Z, I willingly participate. I remember when the first wave of relationship terminology came out and people referred to the pre-relationship stage of being with someone as ‘talking,’ which seemed reasonable at the time. You know, you meet someone, you talk often, but you’re not there yet. It seems like a very casual way of saying ‘Yes, we talk,’ I guess. I’m unsure if I’m showing the small-town girl in me by saying this, but I only recently learned that we no longer say ‘talking.’ We’ve now converted to ‘talking’s’ more confusing and aggravating older sister: ‘exclusive.’ Now that we’ve coined the new term ‘exclusive’ as our pre-relationship term, I wonder if anyone has ever really thought of what that actually means before they blurt it out. They might as well scream, ‘I have commitment issues.’ When I think of saying something is ‘exclusive,’ I think of some juicy tea about your favourite celebrities. Perhaps what Hollywood bombshell Pete Davidson is dating or which Kardashian/Jenner is pregnant, not particularly a word to describe you making a pact with someone to not sleep with other people.
Now, while I’m guilty of using this complicated term, I wonder where we lost the lust for entering romance in the last few decades. I mean, any rom-com from the ’80s to early 2000s should depict precisely what people were thinking at that time; everybody wanted to be in love! You find someone you like, you go on a few dates, then you, well… date. It seems all too simple to me after looking at the hot mess we’ve created. It seems like people are just going to use this strange formation of words to just be disguised as a form of ‘she/he’s mine, stay away from them.’ To be blunt (well, more blunt than I already am), it seems like we’re just building up generational late bloomers by giving ourselves code names for emotional immaturity and a hefty amount of trust issues.
Choosing not to date someone is at one’s discretion but at this rate, I don’t even think it’s as normalized to date but rather to just be in a mutually beneficial relationship, available to someone without putting a label on it. The number of people that haven’t had their first relationships yet at the age of 20 is shocking to me, but entirely societally driven! Coming from a late bloomer myself in the relationship world, I would even say that I still haven’t been in a traditional romantic relationship, at least not the type that you would see in your favourite 2000s sitcom that every hopeless romantic dreams of. The dating world has slim pickings these days and it’s becoming more apparent to me that in order to date someone, you have to solve some sort of riddle to figure out if they even want to give you the time of day, then hang out with them for over three months just for them to ask you to ‘be exclusive?!?’ It’s a polite “No, thank you” from me. I could probably count on one hand the number of girlfriends I have that have been asked on proper dates that led to a genuine relationship. These examples and my instincts lead me to believe that we’re producing a society of, once again, late bloomers and frankly a terrifyingly high number of people with commitment issues. I wish more people understood that it’s basically the same thing whether you call them your ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend.’ From my understanding, the term exclusive has the same strings attached (if you are obliged to the term correctly).
I think perhaps our generation is just scared of heartbreak and making the wrong decisions. We’ve created a society of judgment. If you date for less than six months, your relationship is a failure. But I think it’s better in the end to at least say you tried, realized it wasn’t for you and then moved forward, rather than cowardly not even putting yourself out there. Heartbreak is terrifying and honestly humbling, to say the least, but everyone must start somewhere. If you go through life not fully immersing yourself in things that scare you, you’ll never truly get to where you want to be. Your youth is the best time to take risks! Ask them on a date, break up (even if it’s only been a month) and ask that girl to be your girlfriend. For God’s sake, no one actually believes in the word ‘exclusive.’
Peace & Love,
Gracee