When referring to my love life, I like to dream that it’s a rom-com and I’m the Kate Hudson or more modernly the Victoria Beckham. Although the imagination is there, it’s hard to find my Matthew McConaughey or David Beckham when the first thing a man says to try and flirt is, “Can I get your snap?”
Growing up, all I knew was romance. My parents were high school sweethearts, my sister always had a boyfriend or someone begging to take her out, and here I was, the youngest in my family, sitting in the basement of my childhood friend’s homes snapchatting boys from across the room instead of actually speaking to them. As I got older, my friends and I went through our phases with boys, but none of those phases ever ended in relationships or the cute things you saw in the movies, and it baffled me. I wondered what was so exhilarating for boys to text you to come over at 3:00 in the morning or ask for your snap in a social setting like they had just gotten the key to your heart. Most girls around me saw this as the “norm,” but I just couldn’t wrap my brain around how that’s what relationships have morphed into over the years. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll admit that I’ve dabbled in hookup culture because frankly that’s what society has come to, but it definitely never gave me what I was truly looking for.
I want to give a disclaimer that there is no shame in engaging with and enjoying hookup culture; I’ve been there. Some people don’t see the ‘big deal’ about it. At times, I could see how some girls could find it somewhat empowering to be the girl who just knows what she wants, gets it and feels good doing it. For me, and I’m sure many other romantics out there, I’ve always felt isolated in a way when I wasn’t comfortable obliging in hookup culture. You’re almost made to feel ashamed and ‘no fun’ if you don’t engage. It’s not being a prude or boring to have feelings! Some people are affected by certain things less than others and there’s nothing wrong with that. When I first started kissing boys, I thought I was going to marry them and have my fairytale moment like my parents did, but let me tell you, that is NOT the status quo. Boys aren’t necessarily the most emotionally compatible creatures to women so I wouldn’t put it past them to be confused by my overflowing heart of feelings after just a simple kiss. My brain used to trick me to think that the boy I’d been texting would show up on my doorstep with flowers to ask me on a date after the simplest of interactions. I don’t know if that makes me a hopeless romantic or delusional but hey can you blame a girl? After watching “Beckham” on Netflix, I’ve finally decided that it’s not delusional or crazy to have high expectations.
Although it can be discouraging when it seems people around you don’t share the same mindset, that doesn’t mean you have to adjust to their norm to fit in. You are entitled to do what makes you feel comfortable and empowered. You deserve that person who will drive across the country just to see you for an hour. You deserve all of your biggest dreams and fairytales because when you settle for anything less than a rom com, that’s what leads to getting hurt. I’ve found myself in situations where I felt like I needed to race to do things just to keep up with my friends, but looking back, it just set me back rather than put me in the spot that I knew I deserved all along. So trust me when I say there’s no shame in being an open romantic. You’re not ‘high maintenance’ for expecting the bare minimum of gestures. You deserve to be treated like a dream girl. With that being said, there is truly no man that is worth hurting yourself and your well-being over. At the end of the day, you are your biggest priority, and you should be treated accordingly. So, stay safe out there ladies, and don’t settle until you’ve created your most fulfilling fantasy. I’ll be rooting for you! :)
Peace & love,
Gracee