Disclaimer: I am not saying that anyone’s relationship is wrong if they are more independent or codependent. I am simply writing this for those who want to be aware of the difference between the two terms, what a relationship may look like based on the description and briefly going over both the positives and negatives of either situation. We know that no relationship is perfect, and every relationship is quite different.
Independence is something that I believe that anyone should try and have some form of. The term independence focuses on an individual that is free to make their own decisions and not be controlled by others or things. Independence in a relationship can exist; many can go through their personal growth experiences while being intimately connected and involved with another person. There are many benefits to having some form of independence in a relationship.
First, with independence in a relationship, you can function by yourself, without your partner. This is important when wanting to attain your own goals and accomplish the growth that you may need to do. Another reason is for being able to respect each other’s space and boundaries with one another; this can also result in having the freedom to do tasks or activities that you like without judgment.
There aren’t many cons about having independence in a relationship other than there sometimes might be too much space between you and your partner. When having independence, it can be easy to have too much that your partner may feel neglected and not a main priority in your life. However, this is an easy fix as through communication and understanding on how to make your partner feel more noticed and valued in a relationship, then the feeling of you not being there can be eliminated quickly.
Now for codependent relationships. These relationships are defined as being dependent and having others influence the decisions or actions you make. A relationship like this would be where both partners equally value the time being spent with one another and may spend more quality time together, such as talking and co-decisions are being made for either partner’s thoughts or actions. Many say that this can be toxic if two partners are very codependent- this can be true, although there are benefits to codependent relationships.
In one sense, codependency can have a large benefit on you and your partners’ intimacy. Since acting as a collective group, both partners can understand one another more thoroughly since they always have a tight form of communication. Communication is beneficial since many of these types of relationships rely on communicating with one another and being one-hundred percent transparent with each other. Another benefit is how there can be growth in a relationship. With this form of relationship, you may feel that as a partnership, your relationship can grow better since there is more communication within the bond.
There typically tend to be more negatives with this form of relationship, which is okay if both partners can understand and communicate with one another. The first negative is each partner not being able to function without one another. Not everyone needs space; however, each person should be able to go a couple of days without seeing each other and hang out with friends or family. The reason this can be a big negative is since it is harder for each person to be without each other. As well as the person not being able to grow themselves in certain areas of their life since there is too much reliance on their partner, which can become emotionally draining.
When it comes to both relationships, neither is wrong or right- each one is their own. I can be honest and say that my first relationship was in high codependency. We relied too much on one another to keep us happy and realistically it was toxic for me. My second relationship was very independent and with a lack of communication, it was toxic and a major flop. Now I have started to learn (and am still learning) to balance both forms of relationships. I value my space and privacy, but I also enjoy spending time and communicating with my partner daily. It’s important to remember I’m not saying there is one type of relationship you must have because that isn’t realistic; this is just an overview of both and for myself, a reflection on what works best for me.